Make a promise you can’t keep

I discovered about 30 years ago that Utkarsh Mazumdar doesnrsquot drink tea My surprise was genuine Utkarsh lives in Mumbai the city that invented ldquocutting chairdquo and is a veteran actor of Gujarati stage also wellknown for his roles in films like Raees Satya and Samvidhaan Everybody knows that the entertainment industry runs on hot chaildquoWhat about coffee thenrdquoldquoNo I donrsquot drink that eitherrdquo he said asking the waiter for plain waterIntrigued I asked him why he didnrsquot like two of the worldrsquos most popular beveragesldquoI love themrdquo he said ldquoBut I made a promiserdquoWhen Utkarsh was a 15yearold schoolboy the social activist and reformer Ravishankar Maharaj appealed to Gujarati communities to donate whatever they could to help fight the drought that was sweeping Gujarat Many schoolchildren made pledges promising to sacrifice something they valued Utkarsh noticed that their pledges were timebound and decided his would be differentI met Utkarsh when he was 38 He had not drunk tea or coffee for 23 yearsWe live now in a time when promises are made casually and frequently with no intention or expectation that they will be kept Promises are strategic and transactional the currency of relationshipsmdashfrom the lsquoIrsquoll call you back in exactly five minutesrsquo and lsquoIrsquoll think about itrsquo to the predictable hypocrisy of a politicianrsquos promises just before the electionsI think itrsquos time someone called the bluffTherersquos something inherently duplicitous about a promise Think of the politician who promises to serve the people night and day or your friend who promises to be on time A politician is supposed to serve his people and when you set up a meeting yoursquore supposed to be there on time If it needs a promise to make you stick to your words you didnrsquot mean it to start withHere are some othersmdash ldquoBusy call you laterrdquoldquoWersquoll keep in touch for surerdquoldquoIrsquoll always be here for you no matter what I promiserdquoHere are four kinds of promises you should ignore with the worst first1 Edited promises At COP26 the UN Climate Change Conference last year attended by nearly 40000 delegates from 189 countries India had a problem with the promise to ldquophase outrdquo use of unabated coal which is burning coal without carbon capture and storage India preferred ldquophase downrdquo Since it was the last day the armtwisting worked and India got her way The promise was rewordedBut efforts to remove carbon dioxide are not a substitute for reducing emissions argued Martin Wolf principal investigator at the Yale Centre for Environmental Law and Policy By tweaking the promise India the worldrsquos thirdlargest producer of fossil fuel energymdashafter the USA and China notemdashsecured a free pass to go at its own paceA negotiated watereddown promise is not a commitment itrsquos a getoutofjailfree card Do not trust2 Passiveaggressive promises Do not trust promises from passiveaggressive people who agree too enthusiastically with your opinions and demands and have only praise for you When they break the promise they will even deny having made it3 Promises from happy people You know the saying Never make a decision when yoursquore angry Never make a promise when yoursquore happy4 Unnecessary promises Irsquom instinctively wary of people who turn everyday actions into promisesI promise Irsquoll be there I promise I wonrsquot let you down I promise you wonrsquot regret this I promise this is the last time Nearly every time you hear these words be sure the story isnrsquot overThe promises hardest to keep are the ones we make to ourselves Back when I used to smoke Irsquod quip about how easy it was to give up ldquoTrust me I do it all the timerdquo Irsquod sayThe truth was that nothing worked not New Year resolutions not nicotine patches not attempts to phase out cigarettes not promises to myself However I was unaccountable since no one knew my internal struggles The infidel in me would break the promise and light up and the philanthrope in me would decide to let it go just one more timeBut something changed on October 16 1986 Upon waking up at exactly 826 am I gave up smoking and never touched a cigarette again No promises no resolutions no plan no painThey say people with good intentions make promises but people with character keep them I asked Utkarsh why he quit tea and coffee which were harmless and pleasurableldquoItrsquos no big deal to make a promise you can easily keeprdquo he said ldquoA real promise is one you keep even though it is difficult to honourrdquoI spoke to him yesterday after many years Hersquos 68 now and sometimes his voice quavers But he still doesnrsquot touch tea or coffeeHersquos still keeping the promise he made 53 years agoHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper