Today I want to write about what it means to have difficult conversations. Patriarchal conditioning has primed many of us, especially women, to avoid or steer clear of confrontation, because it has the potential to erupt into some form of violence, either physical or psychological. We rely on passive-aggressiveness as a default weapon to hint that we are upset about something without ever clearly naming the issue, passing on our nervous and tense energy onto the person who has caused us a grievance, expecting them to read our minds.

This is how situations become toxic, because we allow micro-aggressions to pile up until they go nuclear and we implode, inevitably sabotaging our relationship not only with a loved one, but ourselves. Passive-aggressive behaviour implies skirting around a confrontation, being indirectly aggressive rather than directly so. I don’t think aggression in any form or manner should ever serve as an answer to any situation, because it can only escalate matters rather than diffusing them. I have worked really hard to become aware of how this mechanism manifests in my daily life and in my relationships. It hasn’t been easy, looking back on my own life to reflect on instances when I could have behaved better, could have responded with kindness instead of aggression, could have given the other person the benefit of the doubt. But doing the work has definitely made me a more empowered person, because I realise that in almost every situation I have a choice of responding instead of reacting. I have been trying to be less knee-jerk and more empathetic. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed.