'Newspapers, uncle?… bit old-fashioned, na? I read my news online,' she said with a hint of condescension
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I was picking up the newspapers from my front door as Natasha aka Nats, my neighbour was returning home.
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“Hey Nats, partying late?”
I enquired.
“Dude, what’s with this weird-ass stereotyping, if a YA like me comes home post 3 am, means I’ve been socialising,” she snapped.
“My bad,” I hurriedly reassured the teenage tornado.
“Newspapers, uncle?… bit old-fashioned, na? I read my news online,” she said with a hint of condescension.
“I’m still old -school, Natasha… I like the rustle of paper between my hands, the smell of newsprint.”
“Cool cool, ‘whateves’,” she said, as she walked into my home.
“Tell me your thoughts of how we’re doing, politically, Nats?” I asked.
Natasha gave me a distinctly Dirty Harry scowl.
“We’re going to hell, duh Bruh—on the one side there’s a political party led by two uncles, on the other there’s an Opposition party with one aunty who’s son and daughter behave like an uncle and aunty.
Aunty and her two kids are well past their expiry date. And no one bells the cat and tells them—‘You get whipped in poll after poll, why doesn’t the family step back, get a new guy, a make-over, refurbish the set-up!’ Those peeps redefine ‘nepotism’! I wanna tell that dude, your namesake, what an opportunity you have, man, 50 per cent of us are below 25, the average Indian is 27 years old… you could have us eating out of your hands if you wanted; you should’ve been a youth icon by now! Instead you’re making a family business into a fiefdom.”
Nats made herself an espresso, as she calmed down, her tornado-like demeanour morphing into tepid waters.
“Bruh Rahul, I know what you’re thinking: ‘This Natasha, privileged and princess-like, doesn’t give a shit as long as her life rocks… she skirts between SoBo bimbo and arm-chair complainer!’”
“That’s not what I was thinking, Nats…”
“Bruh, look at my predicament. I’m faced with dictatorship on the one hand and dynasty on the other. Caught between the devil and deep blue sea. Do you know how unattractive this is to a young person like me? The lack of hope… the overarching hubris. The great leaders always make you feel like they’re talking to one person; our guys are constantly preaching from podiums!”
“Okay Nats, if you’re so unhappy with our bunch, what’s your idea of a true leader?”
“Dude, give me a version of Obama… suave with swag… loves rock and roll… laughs easily… just a chill dude. And he cares man. I want my leaders to be regular guys not self-serving fascists!
“Take Zelensky. He was a stand-up comedian. The way he’s hanging in there, with so much dignity—that New Zealand babe just delivered her first child. How cool is that? These are folks who don’t take themselves so seriously, but they give a serious shit about their people—these peeps are so humble, so inspiring and all our uncles, aunties, grand-daddies, they have no clue how I think. They are so busy making promises that never get fulfilled!”
The calm waters had metamorphised back to choppy seas.
“And finally you know what depresses me, Rahul bruh, I’m stuck with these people… other countries have a revolving door of First Ladies and Gents, of premiers, prime ministers and presidents. Four years and then boom, they’re gone. If you don’t like ’em, no stress, they’ll be replaced by someone else. But us, dude, we’re stuck… same faces, year in and year out… borrrrinnng! You’re old Rahul bruh, no offence, but me, I have 50-odd years, minimum, to look at these ‘oldies’ and their nepotistic narcissism staring out at me in all the news! Grrrrr!”
Nats got up to leave.
“Have you heard about the IPL beginning next week,” I asked
“Yeah of course, the India Premier League, duh, dude!”
“No Nats, the India Political League, featuring four teams —The Lotus Super Kings (LSK), the Broom Vroom Zoomers (BVZ), the Dynastic Daredevils (DD), and the Didi Didi Dashers (DDD)!”
Nats left, a smile on her face.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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