The Oscars were her thing, and Benedict Cummerbatch was her guy
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Natasha aka Nats, my 18-year-old neighbour couldn’t take her eyes off the telly screen.
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The Oscars were her thing, and Benedict Cummerbatch was her guy.
“Such an intelligent hunk”, Nats drooled, silently.
She had ‘cajoled’ me into watching the 2022 Academy Awards with her, at 6am.
“Can’t we just see the re-run, at a reasonable hour?!”, I had attempted weakly to reason with her.
“No Rahul bruh… live is live… plus Chris Rock is de man… want to see who he takes off on at the Oscars”, Nats with gleeful expectation.
“Gotta say, I hate this style of MC-ing, ‘roasting’ rather than hosting… Ricky Gervais at the 2020 Golden Globes, Chris Rock tonight… these are plain bullies—Can’t stand it when stand-up comedians pick on audience members, whether a lay—person or a luminary—your role is to commemorate an occasion, not chuck barbs aimlessly. Billy Crystal’s Oscar hosting … … that’s my scene!”, I said, from the kitchen, as I prepared Nats an espresso.
Suddenly, there was silence and Chris Rocks’s voice said, “Wow! Wow! Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me!”
Nats had her hand on her mouth in amazement… her expression, goo-goo eyed aghast-ness, she went silent, then let fly an incredulous - “No waaaaaayyyyy… that’s ‘sick’!”
“What’s up”, I asked, interested.
‘Dude… that’s ‘awes’… you won’t believe what just happened--that has to be a staged slap….has to… it’s ‘obvio’… a ‘Men in Black slap”, no way it’s real… Will Smith’s hand, bruh… that’s like a Godzilla hand… Chris has hardly flinched”,
The red carpet, has just turned red faced, we both realized this was ‘slapgate’ alright.
As Will Smith strode back to his seat, and the world watched in shocked silence, I asked my teenaged neighbour -
”So how do feel about this whole incident Nats...?”
I could sense that Nats’ head was processing, her outer millennial grappling with her inner feminist.
“Bruuh, I can see your mind judging me… you think that slap was justified, right?”, Nats asked
“I’m not judging anyone… I just wanna know what you’re thinking…”, I probed.
‘I’m thinking that if you’re pissed off with the MC or with a stand -up comic, for what he’s saying, heckle him, troll him on twitter… but a smack across the face, not cool… what’s to stop anyone in an audience from just walking upto a comedian and slapping him, knocking him out cold, the example has been set!”
Natasha aka Nats, wasn’t finished.
Then the feminist in her, found its voice, a lowered tone—“Dude, Rock went too far… he insulted Jada man… Alopecia, not funny… not cool making fun of someone’s ‘ailment’”.
“You were the one arguing for ‘roasts’ over ‘toasts’, where do you draw the line… once you allow that, gloves are off, anything is then fair game, Natasha!”
“Also, bruh… Chris Rock went down a vicious path, sure, but Will Smith’s response?… Hmmm do I want ‘my man’ to get up and ‘protect’ me?…
If Jada Pinkett Smith had a problem with Chris Rock, she doesn’t need her husband to defend her honour, its misguided chivalry, comprende?”
Nats took a pause.
“Essentially, we’re talking about two celebs who didn’t cover themselves with glory… one a tasteless jokester… the other a wayward Don Quixote. That’s what I think”
Nats had finished processing.
“And you, what do you feel about this, Rahul uncle”, Nats asked.
“Me…I just think if I had played Muhammed Ali in a movie, that was far too weak a slap, should have been a real punch for that punch line!’, I said.
“Funny, Rahul bruh, funny!’, Nats concluded, ‘ciao, I’m off for a run! Need to let off some steam!”
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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