Dear reader, I have written some songs, on these topical issues, you know the tunes, so sing along, please.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
It’s been an eventful week. FIFA football fever, fire threats to celebrities and fashion gaffes, have ruled.
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Bollywood has for a while now been the target of some seriously vile behaviour from several quarters, our very own Shah Rukh Khan, makes a list of 50 best actors in an international magazine, while back home, some seer somewhere wants to set him on fire. Other godmen want to burn the theatres his film is set to release in, and ministers who should be working quietly, focussing on development, demand his destruction, looking for their five moments of fame. The disrespect for one of India’s most celebrated citizens, shows how low we have reached on the totem pole of decency and good breeding. These are meant to be men of peace, men of holiness, men of Godliness, we have become a nation of toxic emptiness, a country of vile men.
Pathaan isn’t going to be award winning, and Besharam Rang isn’t a chart buster song… but there’s a limit to such lawlessness. One Ms Padukone, Bollywood’s most stylish lady, for once was in the news for both being underdressed and badly dressed.
Also read: A pen(ny) for my thoughts
On the happier side, one legendary footballer earned his stripes, both blue and white, as he took his team to an amazing victory, over Les Bleus in the World Cup final.
Mbappé almost proved to be the “baap” of this FIFA with his hat-trick, but this Argentinan took home the Lionel’s share.
Dear reader, I have written some songs, on these topical issues, you know the tunes, so sing along, please.
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie
(sung to the same tune of the 1960s hit)
She could’ve chosen any colour she wanted,
she could’ve gone with blue, green, pink or cream,
she could’ve chosen any colour she wanted,
she went with a shade that made them all scream
(two three four, trolls will tell you what she wore),
it was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie saffron coloured hot bikini,
that got all the bhakts hot and bothered,
an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie saffron coloured hot bikini,
the sants, seers and sadhus are baying for blood,
they want to burn down the movie houses,
they want to tear down the pathaan posters,
they are burning life sized effigies,
they want to see the superstar in flames,
it was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie saffron coloured hot bikini,
that got all the bhakts hot and bothered,
an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie saffron coloured hot bikini,
the sants, seers and sadhus are baying for blood,
then she went to FIFA in Qatar,
it was the opening she had to grace,
dressed in the garb of a gladiator,
she was Louis Vuitton’s public face,
no more an itsy bitsy tenue weenie saffron coloured hot bikini,
that got the bhakts hot and bothered.
How do they solve a problem like Leo Messi?
(sung to the tune of ‘How do you solve a problem like Maria’, from the musical ‘Sound of Music’)
How do they solve a problem like Leo Messi?
Is he the greatest? Is he the goat? Or what?
He swivels, and swerves and scores,
he dribbles, he dives, earns crores,
his left leg has a rapier thrust that’s sharp as hell,
how do they solve a problem like Leo Messi?
Is he the greatest? is he the GOAT? or what?
there’s Pele and Platini,
there’s Baggio and Johann Cruyff,
there Maradona, Beckenbaur and Zizou,and there’s him,
How do they solve a problem like Leo Messi?
He’s carried himself with grace for many years,
he’s got fame, he’s got the name,
he’s got the game, plays for Paris St Germain,
Argentina or Barca, he’s made his mark,
How do they solve a problem like Leo Messi?
Is he the greatest? Is he the GOAT? Or what?
Only one person won’t agree,
he believes it is only he,
who wears the crown of GOAT….
and he’s Portuguese
how do they solve a problem like Ronaldo?
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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