Oh [white] sheet, not again!

Our sutradhaars debate the recurrence of the overnight whitewash that the city witnesses each time there is a flurry of activity around international conferences or VIP visits

My Lady, pardon my forthrightness but is this the first time that you’ve donned a shade of blue? It enhances your glowing face rather nicely,” Sir PM tried his best to pass on a compliment to his friend Lady Flora who was wearing a stunning powder blue gown, instead of her usual off-whites for their midnight walkabout in Fort. “Thank you, Pheroze. I’ve been receiving compliments since last night’s gala. I might never want to return to my whites,” she trailed off. As soon as she uttered the words, Lady Flora noticed that her friend did an eye roll. “Pheroze, I was going to tell you anyway. I had been invited to attend this inauguration of a cultural centre in the suburbs… you don’t do far-off places, so I didn’t bother to ask you…it was a spectacular extravaganza. What pageantry and pomp! The best from the West walked the red carpet beside our Indian film stars and social butterflies that had turned out in their shimmery, shiny wear. That is why I decided to retire my whites for a more glamourous spin,” Sir PM didn’t miss her broad smile.

Thoroughly convinced that he wouldn’t have managed the trek at the cost of sacrificing his sleep, he was still curious about the change in colour of her wardrobe, “So, My Lady, will you continue to be seen in these shades? Will your trademark look get phased out?” After a long pause, his friend replied, “Well, if you must know, there have been other developments in the city that have tempted me to consider dropping the all-white avatar. Correct me if I am wrong, but didn’t you notice the return of the cover-up jobs across certain routes in the city? Gargoyle tells me that the overseas visitors who form part of an international association are back for a series of meetings, and have been crisscrossing the length and breadth of our city. And once again, swathes of cloth have come up, lining the periphery of our roads to cover scaffoldings and other eyesores that show up along the widely used routes of these folks,” Lady Flora was upset and spent the next few minutes sharing specific routes where she had spotted these temporary jobs.

Also Read: Designs on the city, really?

“You are so right; I thought my vision was playing tricks again; I too spotted these overnight changes around certain parts of the city. New lit-up décor suspended along dividers, artificial landscaping and fancy flowerpots has also emerged. How about first ensuring streetlights are functional across every corner in the city, especially the deserted neighbourhoods? Turns out what Percy told me is entirely true. He swore he had spotted sections of roads that offered views of clogged drains leading to the Mithi River being covered with these white sheets. This rampant ‘white-sheeting’ of the city is really deplorable. Clearly, we cannot clean up our mess permanently, and instead must resort to these touch-up tasks every time a foreign group or a VIP heads here. What a poor commentary on India’s business capital! But what has that got to do with your decision to drop the white look?” Sir PM wanted to know.

“Well, Pheroze, the rapidity with these cover-up jobs have been showing up, I am afraid that they will find my set of pristine whites—and please don’t expect me to reveal all on this public forum—and I might have to donate them for some nominal fee. I’d rather phase out my look and do it the dignified way. It’s summer, too, and tourists might like the odd change in my vibe with these coloured shades,” she chuckled, trying to morph her disappointment at the turn of events.

Sir PM took a long pause. He was exhausted from their walk by Apollo Bunder, and the heavy April air that had a whiff of saltiness, made him feel wearier. But it was his friend’s words that weighed him down the most. “I see your point. It is a terrible letdown. How can the civic gods treat the city as if it were a puppet that you drape and un-drape every time there’s an impressionable audience in town? Shouldn’t the citizens’ convenience come first? It’s bad enough that half the city and its suburbs have been dug up, thanks to multiple projects, from the Metro lines to the Coastal Road Project, not to mention this new and endless obsession with messing up footpaths and dividers. I must speak to my former bosses about this sorry state of affairs, and offer my counsel,” thundered Sir PM.

Lady Flora summed it up well, “This year, India is the host country among a group of key nations where minds come together to address issues related to the global economy. How wonderful if they were to first look inward at getting the basic rights in a city that is flaunted as its economic hub!”

mid-day’s Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city’s sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. She tweets @bombayana

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