Raja Andhayug was furious. “Yeh kya ho raha hai,” he roared. “Entire nation—and the world— is booking tickets to see Pathaan, starring Shah Rukh Khan! What nonsense. How can everyone go crazy over a hero from a certain community?” Guru Tamasoma tried to appease him. “Don’t worry, your Highness, we are all doing our best. Now the Delhi High Court has demanded that the producer Yash Raj Films must make inclusive audio description, subtitles and closed captions for blind and deaf audiences and re-submit it to the Censor Board. They had already got Censor Board clearance, and now have just three days before a big global release on January 25, so we will see how they manage, heh heh!” He knew that although the ruling is for the OTT release, usually, the subtitling is done just once, before release on all platforms.

Vidhushak the court jester cautioned them, “Your Highness, it is imperative the Rights of Persons with Disabilities Act, 2016 be implemented. But India made about 2,446 feature films pre-Covid in 2019, and if we insist on implementation of disability rights for only one film with a hero from a certain community, we will be a laughing stock. Shouldn’t the laws apply to all Indian films?” Guru Tamasoma interjected. “Nonsense, Vidhushak! Apna khaas, Vivek Agnihotri, has re-released The Kashmir Files on January 19, just before Pathaan, so there is no question of troubling him or any other gomutra-guzzling pavitra filmmaker.” “But if only Pathaan has inclusive options, then the differently abled will watch Pathaan, but can’t see all the other pavitra filmmakers’ films,” Vidhushak insisted. “Shiva Shiva Shiva, you’re always saying such ashubh things. I’ll have to pour gomutra in my ears now to purify them,” the guru said.