Shaadi ke pressure ke side-effects

Ever since I watched the hugely entertaining documentary Tinder Swindler 2022 Netflixmdashabout an Israeli conman Simon Leviev pretending to be a diamond tycoonrsquos son on a dating app attracting women for his wealth but making them part with theirsmdashIrsquove always wondered around those who follow crime ie cops journalists if they know an Indian equivalentIrsquove heard a suggestion or two read some news pieces None come close Why Because dating app still a cosmopolitan niche in India largely operates on involuntary lowstake reflexes of leftright swipes with mainly independent single women in far greater control of emotional impulses Surely many on it seek something ldquolongtermrdquomdashwish them luckBut theyrsquore hardly pressured enough to fall for a longterm scam that a voluntary ghosting will not instantly dissolve Itrsquos only once I watched Tanuja Chandrarsquos Weddingcon on Prime Video that I figured I was looking the wrong wayIn a country obsessed with marriage no matter your agestage of lifemdashthe playground for fraudstersfraud stars to suitably profit from consequent societal vulnerabilities isnrsquot the dating app designed around casual meetsconversations likely friendships maybe love even lustDirector Tanuja ChandraBut the matrimonial app where yoursquore potentially okay with lots to lose on the presumption that therersquos a lifetime to gain ldquoWhile I consider myself wellaware I was shocked to discover what was going on hererdquo Chandra director of Weddingcon tells meWhat exactly is a matrimonial siteapp besides according to the fivepart documentary series a 2921 million industry with 215 million Indian usersAs I see it mainly an online mart for matching men women seeking endogamous marriages within caste class language religion without location of suitors being a limitationWhat does it replace The family friendauntpriest surely What does it replace them with Technically more freedom for couples to connect away from prying eyes of parents and assorted relatives in the preliminary rounds anywayWhich is obviously a liberating gamechanger for a culture where arranged marriages at over 90 per cent is the normmdashfamiliarity of common familial backgrounds promising a potentially safe space onlineConsider the Malayali lady in Weddingcon who zeroes in on a guy because his native village falls around hers in Kerala How far could you go wrong from thatShersquos been married once A better husband would be the victory of hope over experience Itrsquos not like she harbours huge hopes eitherShe says ldquoSociety pressured Lord Ram to give up his wife Sita Lord Krishna and Radha could never marry On Earth even the Gods struggled with matrimonial love Irsquom a mere mortalrdquoOnly that fellow turns out to be a suave swindler siphoning R15 crore off her She gets interviewed under a silhouette As do many othersWhen Chandra got on board the documentary project she says the producers BBC Studios had already longlisted several stories To protect their identities shersquos even changed names voices of her subjectsMany especially from North India she recalls backed out still The burden of guiltshame rests on victims rather than serial scamstersWhile all the five women profiled in the series had men eyeing their moneymdashthis isnrsquot about money alone ldquoThe toll this duplicity takes on mental health is way deeperrdquo Chandra tells me BBC had a therapist on set while the interviews were being shotPhysical distance and relative anonymity that online exchanges guarantee explains the ease with which cyber frauds get attempted of course There is also something to be said for multiple personalities you can create through social media that on the spectrum can go anywhere between awry and Orry iykykWhat evidently separates predators on matrimonial apps from chindi chors phishing on your phone from Jamtara Jharkhand however is how patiently they mess with heads playing with deepest most intimate emotions In the sense of earning trust professing marriagelovecompanionship before going for the killldquoSociopathsrdquo as Chandra rightly points out Except along with their stories theyrsquore out in the open Untouched like the Israeli Tinder Swindler Simon Leviev I reckon itrsquos not the laws that are so much the issue As it is the Indian state is obsessed with making remaking renaming laws The execution is the constraintHave you ever filed a complaint at the Mumbai cyber police station I have oncemdashover an online stalker The cops were clearThey didnrsquot have enough personnel to exclusively investigate the case which could take days of instant work and travel No FIR then They stamped me a letter taking cognisance of the alleged crime insteadmdashthat I could return with if it got worseMany others may not even lodge a complaint The case load is only likely to rise still Yoursquore often on your own Chandra tells me ldquoIn a more equal world I would have also explored stories similar to Weddingcon among men for victimsrdquo I totally get thatEither way gender is not the point Chandra directed Sangharsh 1999 based on The Silence of the Lambs 1991 What could have been more inventive than Shonda Rhimesrsquos ninepart true crime series Inventing Anna 2022 Netflixmdashabout the girl Anna ldquoswitching between Hannibal Lecter and the average twentysomethingrdquoHavenrsquot seen Oh Inventing Anna Tinder Swindler Weddingconmdashmake that your triplebill then Be safe Very safeMayank Shekhar attempts to make sense of mass culture He tweets mayankw14Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper