<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2024/aug/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Several Indian <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/entertainment/hollywood-news/article/exploring-the-art-of-breaking-the-fourth-wall-in-cinema-deadpool-wolverine-marvel-cinematic-universe-23376484" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">film </a>directors were sitting around a table.&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.mid-day.com/entertainment/bollywood-news/article/i-dont-like-vidhu-vinod-chopra-nana-patekar-shares-his-bad-memories-working-with-parinda-director-23356507" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Vidhu Vinod Chopra</a> turned to Ramesh Sippy, &lsquo;Sippy saab, as the senior most here, how do you see the film?&rdquo;
Ramesh Sippy opened his bound script.
&ldquo;Okay my friends, this is what happens before the opening credits roll&mdash;there are thunderclouds and lightning swirling over a temple and a mosque, both these places of worship are housed on a plot of land between India and <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/world-news/article/abductions-by-intel-agencies-continue-in-pak-claim-families-23376723" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Pakistan</a>. A lady rushes towards the temple with two new born babies in her arms, she is drenched, she is desperate&mdash;as she is about to place the children down&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;Sir, may I predict, one baby grows up to be a police inspector and the other becomes smuggler,&rdquo; another director said.
&ldquo;Wow, how did you guess?&rdquo; Ramesh Sippy asked.
&ldquo;And on the screen splashes the film title&mdash;Nadeem Neeraj?&rdquo; (Ramesh Sippy nodded).
<a href="https://www.mid-day.com/entertainment/web-series/article/ananya-panday-in-call-me-bae-karan-johar-amazon-prime-video-september-6-23375531" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Karan Johar</a>, raised his hand, &ldquo;I&rsquo;d like to take Sippy saab&rsquo;s idea forward and make a more Dharma Pictures type film&mdash;the first mother has one son and a second mother comes from the opposite side, with another son, and they swap babies&mdash;they both say, we are mothers after all, what difference does it make which son we raise, we are both from Punjab, what difference which country?&rdquo;
&ldquo;And the title, I&rsquo;m guessing, is Kabhi Neeraj Kabhi Nadeem,&rdquo; suggested Farah Khan.
Hansal Mehta said, &ldquo;My fellow filmmakers, what if we have a scenario where twenty years later, Nadeem wins a gold medal and Neeraj a silver medal, and Nadeem&rsquo;s original mother is red with jealousy, &lsquo;Why did I exchange my son?&rsquo; she says, &ldquo;Second best is no good for me.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What genre of film are you seeing, a crime thriller, a neo noir crime thriller, a family drama, a historical drama, a murder mystery?&rdquo;
Zoya Akhtar chimed in, &ldquo;How about a bromance, Zindagi na Milega Dobara Paris mein?&rdquo;
SS Rajamouli announced, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m making a mythological drama, in Tamil and Hindi, called &lsquo;Two Ammas&rsquo; &mdash;two powerful ladies wear silver and gold medals around their necks, if they press the medals, it gives off a signal to command their armies to battle, what they don&rsquo;t realise is that their sons are going to war against each other.&rdquo;
Anurag Kashyap, put his hand up, &ldquo;I have a similar theme, yours is glamorous, large scale, Rajamouli sir while mine is gritty&mdash;my movie is &lsquo;Godmothers Of Wasseypur--Nadeem&rsquo;s mother is the leader of one gang in Wasseypur and Neeraj&rsquo;s mother is the gang of the other.&rdquo;
Imtiaz Ali interjected&mdash; &ldquo;Listen, may I cut to the chase, my film begins at a station in modern day Punjab, two men carrying javelins jump into the same compartment&mdash;the movie is called &lsquo;Jav We Met&rsquo;.&rdquo;
Vishal Bhardwaj said, &ldquo;I have adapted Macbeth, Othello and Hamlet to the screen, I am contemplating a remake of any mistaken identity comedy of Shakespeare.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Calm down everyone,&rdquo; said Sanjay Leela Bhansali, &ldquo;I&rsquo;d like to unveil my new offering &lsquo;Sonamandi&rsquo;&hellip; this is a sequel to Heeramandi, a period piece, set in the 1800s, in what is now modern Kolkata, there was a fictitious district, these women were courtesans by day, by night, they were spear bearers, they were a vigilante group&mdash; by night they went after molesters and rapists.&rdquo;&nbsp;
Farhan Akhtar said, &ldquo;This is getting too serious, I have a tried and tested formula for sports biopics, why not cast me as our star javelin thrower and call it &lsquo;Phenk Neeraj Phenk.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Why not just get your dad and Salim Khan to write a new docu series called &lsquo;Angry Young Javelin Throwers&rsquo;?&rdquo; someone suggested.
Raju Hirani looked heavenwards with a sigh and said cynically, &ldquo;If I may say, everything is failing at the box office except two things, Rajkummar Rao and ghost stories--just make Stree 3 with Rajkummar Rao as a ghost who haunts a village in Lahore.&rdquo;
And then Shah Rukh Khan walked in, &ldquo;Gentlemen I have a story, an old-time javelin coach is hired to train a team of Indian javelin throwers, to bring back the gold from Pakistan.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s the film called,&rdquo; the group asked him.
&ldquo;Chuck de, India,&rdquo; SRK concluded.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

“And on the screen splashes the film title—Nadeem Neeraj?” (Ramesh Sippy nodded).

Silver and gold

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Silver and gold

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