The miyan factor at the movies

Guess whyrsquos the movie Bade Miya Chote Miyan 2024 titled so Irsquom guessing you havenrsquot seen the film Apparently there are three TV channels in Afghanistan that play Hindi movies which is all that everybody watches in the whole countryTwo daredevils Akshay Kumar Tiger Shroff are being sent on a mission to rescue Indians held hostage in an Afghan hamlet Shakotabad some such that sounds like Pakistanrsquos AbbottabadThis twomember mission must have a name They swipe a screen to check which Bollywood picture is on in Afghanistan Itrsquos David Dhawanrsquos Bade Miyan Chote Miyan BMCM 1998They pick that name for the mission which is also the movie playing with terrorists gathered around it as the heroes hit the villainsrsquo denBoth BMCMs have been produced by Vashu Bhagnani Which actually explains the common title of course Is there anything else common between the two filmsThe old one starred Amitabh Bachchan Govinda playing double roles of crooks copsmdashlaying out a comedy of errors somewhat along the lines of Gulzarrsquos Angoor 1982 most recently screwed over by Rohit Shetty with a proper remakeBachchan making a comeback of sorts as a Casanovalike eligible bachelor was 56 when he made the old BMCM Govinda was 34Akshay Kumar is 56 and Tiger Shroff 34 when theyrsquove made the new BMCM These two heroes as Indian Army commandoes have a boss played by Ronit Roy 58 They call him ldquobudhaurdquo geriatricBudhau is happy with Bade Miyan Chote Miyan for the Afghan missionrsquos name He anoints his two soldiers Bade and Chote That makes it BC he suggests This is meant to be funny The old BMCM though was a fullon nautanki comedy in the mould of rsquo90s DhawanGovinda comboWe still encounter online gossip about how the latelateef Govinda would keep Bachchan waiting on the filmrsquos sets Which I suppose wouldrsquove been in the newly opened majestic Ramoji Film City in Hyderabad Old BMCM was apparently the first Hindi movie to be shot thereThe picturersquos playing on my screen as I write this My brain switched off in the scene I checked last where therersquos confusion over identities of Bachchan and Govindarsquo characters around their heroines Ramya Krishnan Raveena TandonTo kill the confusion or rather end the scene Anupam Kher heroesrsquo boss looks straight at the audiencescreen says ldquoIss situation mein gaane ki zaroorat hai This situation demands a trackrdquoEverybody breaks into a song Shortly after Madhuri Dixit is in a song though shersquos not in the movie Basically the two heroes as cops visit Dixit on a film set That song Makhna is for a film within this film where Dhawan is the director WutI remember watching old BMCM on cheap seats with schoolfriends because thatrsquos what we did I watched the new BMCM shelling over R1500 a stub having earned the right therefore to mull over it with greater concernEssentially sitting through a series of climaxlike setpieces stitched together by the usual schmaltzy chestbeating patriotismI came away impressed by the sheer hustling skills of the director Ali Abbas Zafar who debuted with the unwatchable Mere Brother Ki Dulhan 2011 following it up with Gunday 2014 yet landing three giantbudget Salman Khan starrers straight Two of them Sultan Bharat decent One of them Tiger Zinda Hai terribleLately hersquos had a release every year His last film I speedwatched and yet couldnrsquot get myself to finish is Jogi 2022 on Netflixmdashmorose mundane monotonous recreation of Delhirsquos 1984 antiSikh riots as a thriller The film exposes the role of the Congress establishment in the pogromThis was Zafarrsquos first film after the thirdrate series Tandav 2019 that got all the unnecessary attention because the BJP government in UP sensing religious hurt sent over cops to Mumbai to arrest those involved with the showSilencing hence an entire OTT industry with extreme selfcensorship since Zafarrsquos last outing the Shahid Kapoor actioner Bloody Daddy 2023 went straight to OTT Zee5Still he lands the biggest release of 2024 I say this because it falls on Eid The old BMCM opened on Diwali Between the two festivals from a footfallboxoffice POV I reckon Eid should be potentially biggerYoursquore looking at a vast population that besides having gone through no food water during the day has lived a life altogether defined by donrsquots if theyrsquove followed Ramzanrsquos rules to the T Donrsquot lie slander readhearthink immoral thoughts be greedy rude have sexhellip Donrsquot entertain yourselfEid ends that with a roar of return to the movies that I first truly experienced with a relatively unknown pic called Janasheen 2003mdashhaving to score its ticket from a scalper in the backlanes of Mumbairsquos New Excelsior cinemaInside was a sea of men in skull caps dressed in their Eid best knocking themselves out as Feroze Khan blurted some ldquoalvalaabracadabrarsquo to his son Fardeen throughoutYou couldnrsquot hear the soundtrack in the hooting There was probably a larger crowd outside Shah Rukh Khanrsquos bungalow than at Mumbairsquos cinemas on Eid 2024The boy before me while Irsquom in line for the movie Maidaan on Eid asks ldquoGodzilla mein aur kaun hai Who else is there in Godzillardquo ldquoMonkey betardquo ticketseller tells him He leaves disappointedMayank Shekhar attempts to make sense of mass culture He tweets mayankw14Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper