The pleasures of an add-on life

The ticket from Bengaluru to Goa cost me a notch over Rs 3500 even though everyone had warned me that airline prices had become astronomical I had a lovely flight on an IndiGo plane sitting tightly wedged between two capacious Marwari gentlemenI saw an empty row across the aisle and asked the stewardess if I could shift my tashreef thereldquoDid you buy an addon sirrdquo she asked meldquoAn addon is whatrdquo I askedldquoItrsquos a small extra amount you pay for something that is not in the basic packagerdquoldquoIrsquod have thought a seat would be in the basic packagerdquo I saidldquoA seat isrdquo she said ldquoThat seat no Itrsquos by the window and not only has a great view but also makes you think about your life mortality and how far it is to the groundrdquoMost airlines have figured out that their future is in addonsmdashand who can blame them COVID19 crushed that industry and now theyrsquore doing everything they can to recoup their losses and make a little money for once The concept of the addon revolutionised everythingAs I flew over green fields of rice it came to me that it was a mere matter of time before India became an addon economy Everything would get broken down into basic packages and paidfor extras and everyone would be happy with endless choices and options paying per use and only for precisely what they want No flabIn as little as a year from now even a simple IndiGo flight from Bengaluru to Goa might be transformed in ways no one could have imaginedIt was a chill winter morning in 2025 in the garden city and I was packed and ready for my flight to Mopa International Airport Goa I had prepared well this time I had selected and paid for an addon window seat and picked an addon alu paratha and coffee as an inflight meal I had bought addon insurance and paid for addon excess baggage I looked forward to a splendid journeyAlso Read Delhirsquos colonial gaze at the AndamansI was welcomed aboard by two flight attendants They had sunny smiles that went right to their eyes and they knew how to make each passenger feel special When it was my turn to board she checked a sheet of paper in her hand and gave me a blank cold look ldquoJust keep walkingrdquo she said crisplyI can tell you that put a wrinkle in my day right there The man behind me told me confidentially ldquoDonrsquot feel too badly about it You probably forgot to opt for a warm welcome The basic package ensures that you are released into the aisle and pointed in the right direction Actual words are not included and even gestures are addonrdquoAfter all the passengers had boarded there came the customary preflight announcement This is how it wentmdash ldquoGoodaftrsquonoon ladiesrsquonrsquogenmen boyzungilzzon behalfIndiGo alien lsquosmy plrsquoair to welcome you aboardrsquois flightter Goa Mopa International Airport Pliz mayrsquoshoeyer items areplace inna ohead comparmen or unnera seatrsquon fronta yourdquoShe spoke without fullstops commas or spaces not pausing even to take a breath as she mowed through the announcement at high speed with a daisycutter such was her dedication No one understood a wordI went up to her and said ldquoMiss you spoke way too fastrdquo She stared at me eyes blank smiling brightly ldquoCould you possibly repeat that announcementrdquoThen she said ldquorsquoFraid not Thatrsquos the basic package sir Maximum words in minimum time Speaking slower to be understood needs to be preordered as an addon while booking the ticketrdquoldquoIn that caserdquo I said momentarily at a loss for words ldquowhy donrsquot youmdashtell me where the toilet isrdquoShe moved aside to reveal the foredeck toilet I opened the door and shut it again right away ldquoUmm miss looks like the cleaners forgot to deal with the human effluents It stinksrdquoShe grinned cheekily ldquoOh yoursquore a funny one sirrdquo she said ldquoThat toilet is exactly as it was meant to berdquoBy now I knew the game ldquoI knowrdquo I said ldquoItrsquos an addonrdquoldquoAh no sir What you see is what you get WYSIWYGrdquoI went back to my seat An hour passed Then another The airconditioning which was an addon had not been switched on Presently I collared a pretty miss as she passed me and asked ldquoAny idea when we could expect to take offrdquoShe gave me a look that mixed regret and compassion ldquoSir your addons do not seem to include departure The package yoursquove taken lets you into the plane and gives you a nice seat I think wersquove successfully achieved that You can sit here as long as you like thatrsquos paid forrdquoMy heart sankldquoActual departure is an addon Sooner or later yoursquoll buy that I know and be on your wayrdquoldquoThank yourdquo I said gratefully ldquoNow I understandrdquoldquoAnd donrsquot forget to buy an addon for landing in Goa sir Or else the pilot will circle the airport foreverrdquoYou can reach C Y Gopinath at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper