Tohfa at the Gabba

A spoof conversation between the Border and Gavaskar sides of the trophy which was clinched by Ajinkya Rahane's Indians in Brisbane

The Border-Gavaskar Trophy will be back in India yet again.

It was famously lifted by Ajinkya Rahane at The Gabba in Brisbane not long after man of the match Rishabh Pant creamed a Josh Hazlewood delivery to the Brisbane Cricket Ground ropes for a historic win.

In this spoof conversation between both sides of the symbol of supremacy in India v Australia Test cricket, AB Bit is the Border half of the trophy while Sunny Side represents the Gavaskar part.

AB Bit: So we are going to be lifted by an Indian captain yet again.
Sunny Side: Thank God it’s not Tim Paine. He would drop us, going by his poor form behind the wicket. 
AB Bit: Absolutely. He won’t be able to gather our pieces too. 
Sunny Side: That way this Rahane fellow is a safe catcher. 
AB Bit: Hope the players have been given sanitisers before they hold us. 
Sunny Side: Let’s forget our pandemic fears and enjoy watching the Indian players celebrate in the dressing room. I believe Ravi Shastri is going to deliver a speech. Also, Virat is going to appear on screen to praise the team. I hope he shows us his baby girl.
AB Bit: There is time for that. The interviews are still taking place. Look at Paine. He is in so much pain. Gosh, look at Josh! And inexperienced Cameron looks green.
Sunny Side: Now stop those puns. Or I will be tempted to bring up Rishabh and catch you with your pants down.
Ceremony over; at the Indian team hotel...
AB Bit: Hope we get to read some newspapers tomorrow.
Sunny Side: I will get my dope through the mobile phone. I have subscribed to all Australian newspapers. But the Brisbane newspapers are not very good.
AB Bit: Yes, very flippant. Remember how they went after Stuart Broad?
Sunny Side: I got to hear about it but what I will never forget is how they wrote India off even before Dada & Co drew at Brisbane in the 2003-04 series. 
AB Bit: I remember that great summer for India. It was all about Steve Waugh’s retirement for Australia...
Sunny Side: Aare, why go so far back? Recently, I read with disgust all the crap the Australian media wrote about how India were hopeless after being dismissed for 36.
AB Bit: But Team India deserved it. You expect nice things to be written after you score only 36?
Sunny Side: You have a point. No, only half a point. My point is why give up on a good team? That was my problem with the criticism.
AB Bit: Mate, now you have a point. I’m waiting to see Mark Waugh, Michael Clarke and Ricky Ponting.
Sunny Side: Yes, yes, you should have a go at them. By the way, who picked Mark Waugh as a commentator? 
AB Bit: That I don’t know. And I wonder what makes Michael Vaughan such an expert. Remember, he said India will be demolished 0-4 if they lose the first Test? 
Sunny Side: That hurt me, but to answer your question… Vaughan led England to an Ashes win in 2005, so he is an illustrious expert.
AB Bit: He did, but he didn’t play another Ashes Test. And England lost 0-5 in the next series (2006-07).
Sunny Side: They are all jealous of India.
AB Bit: Now don’t go overboard. This is your day…enjoy it. Should I get you a drink?
Sunny Side: That won’t be necessary. I am just waiting to land in India and have some masala chai.
AB Bit: I’m going to get myself a beer. Watching all that XXXX beer branding at the Gabba has made me so thirsty.
Sunny Side: By the way, have you read all the comments praising Ajinkya? Some are saying make him India Test captain and let Kohli concentrate on his batting.
AB Bit: Only a brave board will do that but if they do it to reward Rahane it will be no disgrace to Kohli. Australia would do it.
Sunny Side: Don’t be silly. BCCI will never take that step and chief selector Chetan Sharma will be more vilified than he was for letting Javed Miandad hit that famous last-ball six at Sharjah in 1986.
AB Bit: But Rahane has done what Kohli may have not this summer...
Sunny Side: We have been part of this trophy for more than 20 years and you still don’t understand India. There will be riots especially outside the Kotla if Kohli is replaced. Outside the BCCI office in Mumbai there will be celebrations, of course. Rahane is a Mumbaikar, after all.
AB Bit: I get it. I also read about how some pundits reckon that this is the toughest Indian team.
Sunny Side: Nonsense! Yes, this side is very tough but that does not mean other Indian teams were not mentally strong? And is there an instrument to measure toughness? Gavaskar was weak? Tendulkar was tender? Ganguly was soft? This is all being said to grab headlines.
AB Bit: You are in form. I’ve never agreed with you so much. 
Sunny Side: You are just being kind to me. Deep down you want to come back to Australia as soon as you can and stay here for a while. Now, go to sleep and get up on time for the flight to India.
AB Bit: I’m not sleeping tonight. I am scared someone will come out of a room, bang into us and we will fall to pieces.
Sunny Side: Don’t worry. We are outside Ajinkya’s room.
AB Bit: How does that help?
Sunny Side: He will fly to our rescue. Do I have to remind you that he is the new Superman?

mid-day’s group sports editor Clayton Murzello is a purist with an open stance. He tweets @ClaytonMurzello. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper

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