I was terribly excited to hear about the longest river cruise in the world, the imaginatively-named ‘Ganga Vilas’ inaugurated a couple of weeks ago. I have no intention of ever booking a ticket, obviously, but I was excited nonetheless. I didn’t examine the 50 tourist spots it is supposed to cover or look too closely into the 27 river systems it will supposedly introduce tourists to, because I was amazed that people would pay for an experience like this in the first place. Maybe there is always market for holidays, irrespective of how polluted or uninteresting a place may be, and who am I to judge if I’m not willing to pony up the price of a ticket?

What the river cruise inspired me to do, however, is think of ways in which Bombay’s own problems can be turned into opportunities for tourism. The government of India has, over the past eight years or so, turned into a finely tuned, high-functioning public relations organisation, and I couldn’t help wonder why the government of Maharashtra wasn’t asking for some of that expertise. All we needed, I realised, was a solid advertising and marketing budget to make our city more attractive than it is.