Why good enough is better than great

What caught my attention was the title of the virtual coursemdashHow to Fail Why would anyone even consider joining it Hadnrsquot we just passed through two exhausting pandemic years when most things we take for granted had failed spectacularlymdashbirthday parties going to work a trip to the market medical help in emergencies eating out even family gettogethersIn 25 hours How to Fail promises to help you understand the sickness of lsquoperfectionismrsquo why we fear disappointing our parents why we dread failing what it means to fail lsquowellrsquo and accept our limitations without bitterness and the mediarsquos influence on our understanding of failure and successldquoWhat do you think of the pursuit of excellencerdquo I asked one of my friends who has been pursuing it since we finished schoolldquoOne day Irsquoll catch itrdquo he said ldquoI just bought Ethereum so Irsquoll be rich quite soon Then Irsquoll come up with the next big thing and thenmdashrdquoConsider for a moment a completely heretic notionmdashthe pursuit of excellence has actually been responsible for most human misery As evidence I present the following facts published only 10 days ago by the Parisbased World Inequality LabJust over 1 per cent of the worldrsquos adultsmdashor about 561 million individualsmdashare millionaires2755 of them are billionaires obnoxious dudes like Jeff Bezos Elon Musk and Bill GatesBetween them the richest 10 per cent of the world owns 76 per cent of the worldrsquos wealth The bottom 50 per centmdashthe ldquopoorest of the poorrdquomdashown 2 per centDuring the first two years of the pandemic these fabulously successful masters of the universe became if you can believe it even richerHerersquos my clinching argumentmdashdespite these damning facts everyone wants to be like Elon Musk Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates And to be like them you have to excel and be smarter than everyone elseDuring the same pandemic where the rich grew richer 100 million ordinary people with ordinary lives sank into utter povertyThe question on your lips at this moment should be ldquoReally This is the best we can do as a speciesrdquoThe pressure starts from school Being first in class acing the IIT exams being a winner in sports being multifaceted supertalented and most likely to succeedmdashthese are the values that parents with nothing but the best intentions instil into their children The pressure doesnrsquot let up through college it only gets worse once you get a jobAs children we learn that failure is embarrassing and punishable Success is to be worshipped striven for and rewardedYou are taught the rules earlymdashDecent people donrsquot get to the top You have to be ruthless You will have to leave some people behind and step over the corpses of others Look good get recognisedmdashthatrsquos the mantra which grows into an Instagramlike obsession Only one person wins everyone else loses Itrsquos a zero sum gameBut herersquos a splash of cold water You are not destined to be wealthy powerful famous and excellent These qualities will elude the vast majority of us Most of us are going to fail in quite a lot of things and discover that we are alas merely mediocre We will feel inferior and worthless and try even harder straining ourselves and our families in the process As Samuel Beckett put it yoursquoll be running on a treadmill called I canrsquot go on I must go onAvram Alpert writer and educator proposes two ways to improve the way you think of yourselfmdashsucceed much more impossible or lower your expectations of yourself The pursuit of excellence doesnrsquot lead to an excellent life What we all need is a good enough life with decency civility friendship security dignity and the basicsNature doesnrsquot reward excellence It prizes diversity and survival Most of nature is average and mediocre a few things are extraordinary A gazelle doesnrsquot dream of being an elephantldquoWrongrdquo my friend says ldquoNature rewards strength aggression and ruthlessness Look at lions and tigersrdquoldquoWhy thenrdquo I ask ldquoare there so few tigers leftrdquoldquoHumans killed themrdquo he said ldquoWersquore the top of the heaprdquoNo wersquore not We should know this by now A small virus has taught us whorsquos really bossSo donrsquot try to give your children the best of everything lest you give them a false dream of what their world will be like Such a child will be unprepared for a world of complexity and distortions betrayals and catastrophes and never learn that to be human means being comfortable with failureBe a good enough parent and give those children a good enough lifeThe next virtual master class of How to Fail is on February 23 from 230 pm GMT Herersquos a linkmdashhttpscuttlyBOkMJ7X For the paltry equivalent of pound40 you could learn how to be an outstanding failure shed your obsession with excellence and perfectionmdashand finally start enjoying life againHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper