Anyone for kirckit… panga kirckit?

What are we fighting for Donrsquot ask me I donrsquot give a damnhelliprdquo The band Country Joe and The Fish had rallied the peaceniks at Woodstock in the late sixties who wanted nothing to do with the Vietnam war The Berkleybased psychedelic rockstars had a message of urging young Yankees to smoke the peace pipe pun intended and not end up coming back in a star and stripe covered boxWhat made my mind ndash usually occupied by RD Burman or jazzy tunes ndash remember up this revolutionary songThe chief reason being two celebrated kirckiters picking up a panga on the field of play playing out a tamasha in front of a 30camera setup watched by a worldwide audience which seems to have enjoyed every spicy moment of the sparring Yes it was a fabulous television moment going completely in synch with the lights camera amp action theme of the most watched annual kirckit tournament in the makebelieve worldFor the sake of the narrative ndash letrsquos look at the two protagonists Two much celebrated and followed players who I shall name Billu and Pogi Theyrsquove been at each otherrsquos skullcaps for a long time now Both hailing from the same state ndash letrsquos call it Billi These two Billi wallahs have always delivered what the director wanted Their theatrics ndash always in public ndash being devoured by a hungry audience fed on reality shows like Big LossFrom a singular spat a decade ago it has now become a gang sorry family war ldquoTune mere family ko bola toh mujhe bola Kya Teri itni himmat Main tumhe nahi chodoongardquo and ldquoTu karega vaisa hi bharegardquo type of dialogue usually associated with Oshiwarabased script writers has now permeated into Kirckitrsquos reality showAnd what a showThe way organisers fix fixtures no pun intended for an India v Pakistan matches One in the league stage second in the quarter final and hope for a finale in the final ndash is a broadcasters delight and a surefire way of delivering ROI for advertisers There just may be a clamour for a repeat of the BilluPogi show which has probably garnered more eyeballs and media space than Pinku Blingrsquos heroicsLooking ahead let us take a peek at the imaginary sales pitch of the worldrsquos most watched annual Kirckit tournament in 2024Salesperson S Sir we present the new improved kirckit reality tournament that starts this summer We have some new additions that resonate with your brand attributes and will ensure sticky eyeballs throughout the tournamentAlso Read Bleeding Yellow CSK break Chepauk jinx against Mumbai Indians after 13 yearsAdvertiser A Kitna dena padegaB Sir only 50 per cent increase in prices per spot and sponsorship early bird rate It can go up to 75 per cent as the tourney approachesS Ouch isnrsquot that a bit too muchB No Sir we plan a few more episodes of the BilluPogi encounter with a special show called lsquoKaun Banega Big Loss ka Baaprsquo featuring both the stars Not just that we plan more such sparklers with other kirckiters who have been inspired by BilluPogi and are itching to be part of the gravy trainS I still feel I cannot justify a double hike in rates for my brand I would rather look at a Salomon Kaun film which has all these ingredientsB The film may have star power but there is zero guarantee of ROI for your brand With our new improved Kirckit circus we can assure you of million more eyeballsS How soB We plan to start a new CutlerBashspin show on similar lines as BilluPogiS But they play for the same Kirckit teamB Thatrsquos the beauty of our concept BilluPogi also played for the same team once upon a time Now we will have a 10camera setup inside the dressing room and hotel of the teams This will guarantee more audiences which swear by other reality shows to come on board Not just that we already have fun excitement drama action dance numbers fight scenes as part of the show These lsquobashesrsquo will add tremendous value to the Kirckit reality tournament which will take your brand through the roof We have also decided a special segment called the lsquoDhishumDhishum moment of the matchrsquoS Yeah but Bollywood gives me song and assault scenes as well How will you counter thatB Song is no problem we have commentors who will sing at the drop of a shot and plan a duet with them and a kirckiter on the ground Every time a kirckiter drops a catch the commentator goes into a song starts singing lsquoYeh Kya Hua Kaise HuarsquoS Great And what about assault scenesB Simple Sir we have been attacking the game for a long time now with a big lsquoimpactrsquo We will just up the ante ndash thatrsquos allCountry Joe and the Fish sang for a cause Our protagonists are fighting for theirs which will ensure that the TRPs touch the sky and brands will be more than happy with the ROI they get in the process The latest BilluPogi type episode will keep trending organically sans social media influencers and inspire young wannabes to play out similar acts on the playing maidans of India which guarantee instant fame on PikPok and other social media channelsAnd lyrics of the local version of the iconic Vietnam song will reverberate across the nation causing a big spurt of inspiration for the young ones to follow the acts of their heroesldquoSo put down your bats and pick up a gun Were gonna have a whole lotta funrdquoPS Any similarities with any living or dead persons are purely coincidental Hemant Kenkre is a former Mumbai lsquoArsquo division club captain