The social networking site may be getting a bad name, but it continues to be a platform where women in Mumbai can find a voice that says, 'I am more than just a mother'
First Moms Club is about making sure mothers can be less serious, and have more fun
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Aarti Bhatia's life changed when she got married in 2012. The MBA graduate, who had been working for around 13 years at her father's car dealership business, suddenly found herself grounded as a housewife, in a conservative joint family. To add to the changes, she realised she was pregnant barely a month in. "I asked my mother for help, and she said 'ask your mother-in-law', who in turn said that she didn't even remember raising her kids, how could she help me? I felt alone and was depressed," says the 32-year-old Chembur resident, who then decided to turn to Facebook for help.
Moms of Thane Ghodbunder Road stress on activities for children
Modelled on other mom pages she had seen online, she started the Chembur Moms page in 2013, calling out to female friends and neighbours to join in. Slowly, as she started talking to and interacting with other first-time and seasoned mothers who joined in, Bhatia started seeing the bigger picture. "Firstly, I realised there were people with bigger problems than mine. Secondly, it saved me, as it became the most positive aspect of my life," says Bhatia, who now has a four-and-a-half year old son, and is expecting again. At Chembur Moms, no subject is taboo. From offering services that will help mothers find jobs, and the right doctors, to dealing with hard-hitting problems, the page, which now has 2,500 followers, is a home away from home for many. "There was this lady who posted that she was on the verge of committing suicide or getting a divorce. She wanted a baby, and her husband didn't want one as he didn't want her body to change, or their social life to be interrupted. I replied to her saying she needs to sit down with her husband and convince him, that nothing will change. I told her that I went for my honeymoon when I was three months pregnant."
Mothers who join don't just want to talk about parenting, but also about bettering themselves
Chembur Moms is just one of the many mom groups that have found their way on Facebook, helping mothers everywhere feel part of a community, and also as we found out, more than just a mother. There are location centric pages like Chembur Moms and Moms of Thane Ghodbunder Road, but also larger groups that cater to Indian mothers all over the world like Mumbai Moms and First Moms Club. Their main aim is to look after the mother for a change.
Parel resident Ruchita Dar Shah, who runs the 64k-strong First Moms Club, says that the groups are needed for mothers who can't sometimes lead fulfilling lives, and, sometimes all they want to do is, vent. "We have a B***h Corner, where moms can let it all out without being judged! Motherhood is not as serious as it's made out to be in India. Mothers can be goofballs too, and we want that lighter side to come out," says the mother to two sons aged 13 and 9. Forty-one-year-old Shah started the group in 2010, and it has grown from just being an online platform to hosting events like a toy donation, and most recently, an anti-spanking campaign. "It's all about starting a conversation about vulnerable, sensitive issues. A mother sitting in Nagpur can then maybe help a mother in New York."
Group rules are usually lenient, except that men are not allowed to join, unless they are offering services especially catering to women. Page admins go through the requests by mothers who want to join, and decide on the basis of their Facebook profiles if they are allowed to join. The topics are open to everything, from parenting advice, to information about schools and doctors, to marital and familial advice. Nidhi Dorairaj Bruce, 37, who lives in Dubai now, and is raising three kids, started Mumbai Moms as a blog, but then realised she needed to add more perspectives to the group. She then organised writing and blogging workshops to name a few. "Once, a five-month pregnant lady came all the way from Ahemdabad to attend a writing workshop in Mumbai because she wanted to realise her dream of being a writer. That really stuck with me."
At the Moms of Thane Ghodbunder Road, the motive was to let their kids indulge in art at a young age. Run by Hema Bhatt, 37, who also runs a pre-school and day care activity centre, Growing Kids, the group is about suggesting hobby classes, schools, doctors, workshops for mothers and their children. "The point we are trying to make is that we alone can't do anything. It's a community and it's all about being with people, being around people. At the end of the day, when a mom posts something, and gets reactions and comments, she feels 'yes I am heard'' and that's what matters."
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