Erectile Dysfunction: Diving deep into the condition; why more men need to speak

Suresh and Priya names changed had been dating for over two years Their relationship was full of romance and passion But as they began discussing marriage and taking things to the next level their blooming relationship took an unexpected droopmdashnot just metaphoricallyThey gave it time After all a little pillow talk and ldquoteamworkrdquo can reignite faded sparks for many But Suresh unlike his usual self was unable to stand at attention Something was clearly amissWhen they sought help from consultant psychiatrist and sexologist Dr Shailesh Umate they discovered the issue wasnrsquot physiological at all Instead it was Sureshrsquos lack of commitment that had left his enthusiasm and other things falling flatDr Umate says ldquoNot many think about it but relationship issues apart from the common factors that we know of such as lack of physical care irregular eating patterns insufficient rest substance abuse and workrelated stress can lead to erectile dysfunction EDrdquoIn a conversation with Paras Sharma founder of The Alternative Story an organisation focusing on emotional and behavioural wellbeing of individuals we found out that ED is affecting boys as young as 17 extending to the demographic where itrsquos more commonly expectedmdashmen in their late 50sData suggests approximately 8 per cent of men aged 2029 and 11 per cent of those aged 3039 experience ED Overall 26 per cent of men under 40 are affected by the conditionSharma a doctoral scholar specialising in masculinity and male body image has headed ED support groups and believes that the condition is quite misunderstood ldquoMost people who have socalled ED donrsquot have any physiological issuerdquo he says ldquoThey go and get tested by neurologists endocrinologists and urologists and nothing is found Most of it seems to be psychological stemming from really screwedup ideas of what male sexual performance should berdquoAn hour of ldquofiringrdquo before hitting the target once Thatrsquod make the little sergeant blow his top as if he had stepped on a landmine Sharma explains ldquoPornography has really ruined things for men And therersquos an overemphasis on penilevaginal sex and the duration of onersquos erection Most participants I have spoken to think it should last 15 minutes and if it doesnrsquot they feel inadequaterdquoDr Umate spelled it out ldquoThe global average for penilevaginal sex is two to five minutesrdquo That may be disappointing but science says it is normalMisinformation and lack of education are to blame say both Sharma and Umate ldquoMost adolescents learn about sex from peers the Internet or influencers not from parents or schoolsrdquo says Sharma ldquoThis leads to myths and unrealistic expectations like semen retention or the use of untested substances like shilajit which has no proven benefits and can even be harmfulrdquoBut patriarchy as we know hurts men just as muchmdashand theyrsquore to blame as well given hardly any introspection on their part on seeking help Sunday midday columnist filmmaker and writer Paromita Vohra known for her work on gender and sexuality says ldquoHeterosexual men donrsquot speak about anything in a tentative or vulnerable wayrdquoldquoStraight menrdquo she says ldquoalways want to come across as confident and authoritative which means their anxieties and complexities never get expressed or resolvedrdquo This pressure she explains is compounded by a lack of comprehensive sexuality educationldquoThe portrayal of male sexuality in pop culturerdquo Vohra says ldquois particularly damaging Men are taught that their sexuality means instant erections always being ready for sex and performing like a stud But the truth is sexuality is different for every human being When this diversity isnrsquot accepted men feel like failures and their problems get compoundedrdquoTo challenge these norms Vohra advocates for a cultural shift in how we talk about sexuality in general ldquoWe need films art and media that depict sexuality in diverse and relatable waysrdquo she says ldquoItrsquos not about making a film specifically about ED but about showing sexuality as a dynamic evolving part of human life The problem isnrsquot ED itselfmdashitrsquos the way we talk about sex and relationshipsrdquo Erectile dysfunction as Dr Umate says ldquois a treatable condition in most cases if treated correctly and if the person reaches out to the right professionalrdquo But the first step he says is ldquobreaking the silencerdquo2637Men under 40 who are affected by ED