Why India must rethink its obsession with private celebrity lives

When Palash Muchhal draped the Indian flag on Indian womenrsquos cricket team captain Smriti Mandhana after they won the 2025 World Cup women across the country swoonedIf you scroll back to the Instagram video where the couple is seen interacting on the cricket field after the triumph the comments section is filled with green flag emoticons Cut to November 23 when it was announced that the couplersquos wedding had been put off as Mandhanarsquos father took ill Though never confirmed officially Muchhalrsquos chats were allegedly leaked painting him as an unfaithful partner What followed was an online furore that seemed disproportionate when compared to other pressing national issuesOn a video of Muchhal proposing a clip that he has not yet pulled down from his Instagram page you can spot comments like ldquoFor godrsquos sake at least delete it now we canrsquot get over ithellip imagine our Smriti going through it thodi to sharam ho to if you have any shame left delete it for her pleaserdquo There are milder comments in denial lsquoHope this is fake news and this has not really happenedrdquoShruti Sitara Singh shares a picture from her wedding shoot and says she wants to reclaim what she can shareWhy is India so enraged over the private lives of two people they have never met and are unlikely to ever meet Most fans wonrsquot even stop to ask this question because many do feel like they have a sort of relationship with Mandhana albeit from some distance They have a window into the celebrityrsquos life through their daily posts and can even comment on these posts and send them messages directly mdash it matters not if the recipient is actually reading these messages and responding This is what experts refer to as a parasocial relationship a onesided socioemotional connection that a person forms with a public figure like a celebrity influencer or fictional characterMandhana of course is not the quintessential celebrity whose work involves courting public attention at all times Rather the hardworking sportsperson won Indiarsquos heart in a wholesome way mdash at first by doing the nation proud and bringing the World Cup home and then by sharing heartwarming reels of her and her teammates getting ready for the wedding Everybody could relate she had worked hard done well and it was her time to get all the happiness she deserved And then all hell broke looseMandhana and Muchhalrsquos every social media move is being watched like hawks by fans from the former removing her post about the wedding to both putting an evil eye icon in their profile to Mandhanarsquos teammates Richa Ghosh following Muchhal and Jemimah Rodrigues choosing to skip the Womenrsquos Big Bash League in Brisbane to stay back in India and support her friendHarshita GuptaThe suffocating surveillance and thousands of strangers inserting themselves into a couplersquos private affairs with selfrighteous comments on what they should and should not do mdash all of it reminds us that heartbreak in the public eye is not something wersquod wish on our worst enemy Muchhal has become public enemy No 1 somebody we love to hate And yet do we have a right toWe have only recently added the word lsquoboundaryrsquo to our interpersonal relationships so establishing a digital one is something we are quite far away from says Mukta Chaitanya the founder of Cyber Maitra an organisation based out of Pune that works with cyber digital and psychosocial health ldquoWe as users are still trying learning social media etiquette A lot of the time celebrities or actors too donrsquot know what their digital boundary is and what the consequences can be of giving strangers that kind of access to your liferdquo she says To many of us Chaitanya might sound like an alarmist but given what she has seen in terms of crimes online and the fall out on peoplersquos lives it feels justified ldquoWhen you share news of your engagement photos of your wedding or give away any information you are opening the door and giving someone a chance to take a peek at your life In fact in my workshops or talks I always say lsquoyour social media handle is also a door handle to your liferdquo she addsThe proposal video that is still up on Muchhalrsquos feedLost a little sleep there So did we The more open one is about their personal lives on the Internet the more they open themselves up to public commentary and interference Itrsquos a point that was driven home all the stronger earlier this year when the National Cybercrime Reporting Portal released data that shows the reporting of online crime has increased by 1184 per cent between 2020 and 2024 with online sexual abuse being at the topSo then why do we still share about our heartbreaks and flings on the InternetIn October 2024 Harshita Gupta a public figure and radio jockey published her book Unloved The Art of Moving On The book is a guide to healing postbreakup and was the result of Gupta sharing freely with her online followers about her relationship and then her heartbreak There was a price to pay of course but Gupta tells us she really doesnrsquot care ldquoI am a public content creator and I have seen my share of criticism of everything I do but I would rather choose to focus on love When I wrote the book I never thought lsquoWhat people would say about me or my exrsquo My heartbreak was so deep it took me time to overcome it I thought that if something helps someone make sense of this pain itrsquos worth the effortrdquo she saysGuptarsquos social media feed is full of her life and new husband and is a great example of how one shouldnrsquot give up on love ldquoIt wasnrsquot until I got married and put it on my profile that people realised I hadnrsquot been single It was just that after the heartbreak I had learned to keep my cards close to the chest Also my online content until the marriage photos were put up was around singlehood and how to lead the best life you can ask a single person which was also a big part of my journey and is also when I happened to meet my husband So when people saw I was married now it kind of became a inside joke between me and my followers many would playfully comment saying that she has made us love the single life and has gotten married herself They are extremely happy for me of courserdquo she chucklesVaishali BhagwatFor others like Shruti Sitara Singh sharing online is a way to get it out of their system once and for all In January Singh ended her threeyear marriage As a creative consultant and curator Singhrsquos online feed is mostly artwork mdash statues paintings and intricate carpet work along with the link to her substack where Singh puts out longform pieces The announcement of her marriage ending was in stark contrast to the professional content and the 33yearold Bandra resident received flak for the decision to post about it ldquoPeople would say things like lsquoshe has lost itrsquo or lsquowhy put it out on social mediarsquo I lost a lot of friends who disagreed with me and said that I shouldnrsquot share my grief of losing my most important relationship at that time on social media but thank god I didrdquo she saysSingh found a new tribe of people those who were nursing their own heartbreaks on social media Soon messages from heartbroken men and women from around the world flooded her DMs ldquoI found friends who have been trying to get out of a breakup for years I have so many friends whom I had lost touch with and reconnected with when I shared my story and it has been food for my soul reallyrdquo she addsIn October after almost nine months of trying to heal Singh put out a picture from her wedding shoot the caption reads ldquoReclaiming whatrsquos minerdquo She goes on to write that ldquono one gets to decide which memories I keep and taint what was once beautiful mdash not anymorerdquo We canrsquot help but think back to Muchhal and the proposal video still up on his accountMukta ChaitanyaSingh who is open about coming from a broken home feels itrsquos time to stop and find herself first ldquoSocial media has become a tool for us to reach out when we donrsquot know what to do I was crying for two months I have OCD but brushing my teeth and getting out of bed was difficult I didnrsquot know what to do At such a time if you get some love from people who are going through or have been through the same thing as you I welcome that support and promise to be there for those who need it as wellrdquo she addsFor a few influencers their marriage is a big part of their online presence like Tanvi Geetha Ravishankar aka thechubbytwirler and her husband Tushar Mehta famously known as instapatiofficial Tanvi a bodypositive dancer is no stranger to the ugly side of the Internet ldquoBeing a plussize woman online automatically makes you a magnet for opinions you never asked for and when my husband appears with me people think they have even more permission to comment I get everything from lsquoYoursquore so luckyrsquo to lsquoWhy is he with herrsquo to lsquoShe doesnrsquot deserve himrsquo or the classic lsquoHe must be settlingkuch toh majboori hogirsquoldquoSadly even women have DMed me saying my husband could do betterrdquo she adds Tanvi believes that these comments reveal more about the commentersrsquo own insecurities than her relationship Tanvi though feels that the appreciation she receives often outweighs the bad ldquoThe love massively outweighs the hate Of course there are some negative comments mostly bodyshaming as well as critiques on his dancing capabilities or snide remarks that hersquos lsquotoo goodlookingrsquo to dance with me But the positives are huge women tell me they feel seen men say it motivates them to hype their partners more and couples tell us our videos helped them open up or try new things together That makes it all worth itrdquo she addsBut how do they ensure that the hate doesnrsquot get to them or affect the relationship ldquoHersquos the calm one I am the fiery onerdquo says Tanvi of her marriage ldquoBut over the years being in this industry Irsquove built boundaries to protect my peace I donrsquot take comments personally from people who donrsquot know us personally Also when something bothers me instead of bottling it up I discuss it with himrdquo she saysThe couple is definitely aware that being under the spotlight means they have to really put in the effort with communication They remind each other constantly that their relationship is bigger than the Internet They also take breaks from social media putting the phone away and coming back only when they feel grounded ldquoBut I am also human and at times it has affected merdquo Tanvi admits ldquoThere were times when constant bodyshaming and unsolicited opinions about our marriage did overwhelm me It hurts when strangers feel entitled to judge something so personal But those moments have always brought us closer I remind myself that the love we share in real life is infinitely louder than the noise onlinerdquo As far as Mandhana and Muchhal are concerned itrsquos for them to figure out where they find their way back to each other or just wish each other well and move on Their personal crisis is not an opening for us to enter their relationship and bombard them with advice or taunts Nor should their story discourage fans from finding love As author Harshita Gupta says ldquoIss mein love ki kya galti hai yaarrdquo ldquoIf someone doesnrsquot know how to love pyaar ki kya galti hai insaan ki galti haihelliprdquo So keep the love you have found find the love you want and maybe watch what you say about someone elsersquos loveDoes Muchhal have any legal recourseAdvocate Vaishali Bhagwat an advocate who has been dealing with cases of online harassment says that there is no law against trolling unless ldquothe comments are sexual in nature or defamatory or perpetuate violence or hatred or against national integritysecurityrdquo ldquoOtherwise we are protected by the freedom of speech and expression In fact section 66 A of the Indian Information Technology Act which prohibited people from making hateful comments was struck down by the Supreme Court in 2015 because it was seen as gagging freedom of speechrdquo she saysldquoIf a person has chosen to put personal information on social media and then another puts a comment on it this cannot be a breach of privacy But if anyone is repeatedly making comments on a couple in public domain even though they never shared it on social media thereby causing inconvenience harassment or embarrassment the couple can say that their private life is being dissected publicly and build a case under the right to privacyrdquo she adds ldquoThere might be a case of defamation but ldquoonly in the case where he can prove that the comment is false to knowledge of the commentator and has resulted in loss of some kindrdquo she addsGender dynamicsThis conversation cannot be complete without looking at it from the lens of gender dynamics This controversy comes at a time when India is introspecting on how we treat women and both misogyny and misandry have become a part of everyday vocabularyWersquove seen fans turn similarly rabid against partners of sportspersons but those partners mdash and recipients of hate mdash have usually been women The closest comparison we can give from India when fans got this obsessed is Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma We all remember the barrage of hate Anushka got every time she attended a match and the team lostHowever it must be pointed out that Anushka while being a woman still had considerably more agency and power in that situation as was a celebrity in her own right and was in the public eye anyway Muchhal on the other hand is a common man who probably never expected his actions to be played up in national limelight