Four trailblazing women on sexuality, desire, and bodily autonomy

lsquoI love the concept of love Itrsquos the only thing worth living forrsquoPriyanka PaulIllustrator and activistPriyanka Paul canrsquot remember ever shying away from discussing sexuality Not as a 17yearold when she first began drawing women and their bodies or as the 24yearold she is now who has spoken about everything from MeToo to menstruation body positivity and sex educationmdashshe wrote a sex guide at the age of 20 ldquoI was raised by a vocal feminist mother and she normalised it all for merdquo Paul tells us Having been sexually violated while in her early teens made her want to question and challenge systems that had reduced womenrsquos worth to sexual objectsLike gender constructs Priyanka Paul challenges fashion trends projecting herself with stark honesty on her Instagram page PicPradeep DhivarNavi Mumbaibased Paul who is a mass media graduate from St Xavierrsquos College cannot be pigeonholed into a boxmdashone day she sports blonde hair another day itrsquos Barbie pink or peacock blue Of late itrsquos plain jet blackOne of the first set of paintings Paul brought to life was called the Goddess series which reimagines five goddesses from different cultures as modern women and how they would exist on social media ldquoIt was based on a poem by Harnidh Kaur called Pantheonrdquo she recalls adding ldquoWhile it sent out this message of collective liberation it got mad hate in India because I had drawn Goddess KalirdquoPaul describes gender as a construct ldquoWe need to abolish gender If it were broken we all would be so much freerrdquo she feels ldquoPlaying into these stereotypes leads us to belittling ourselves further We need to learn to enjoy the full spectrum of human emotions and experiencesrdquo says Paul who identifies as nonbinary nonbinary persons may identify with more than one gender no gender or have a fluctuating gender identityPriyanka Paulrsquos provocative art is synonymous with strong lines This sketch reimagines five goddesses from different cultures as modern women and how they would exist on social mediaShe sketches women because ldquoI love themrdquo ldquoI may not identify as one but I grew up as one For me not identifying as a woman simply comes from the space of wanting to break the construct If I can be myself without being gendered I would be happyrdquoAccording to her desire cannot be gendered ldquoThe problem is that womenrsquos desires have been curtailed for centuries because desire symbolises female autonomy it is power and we need to reclaim itrdquoLike anyone else Paul loves the idea of love ldquoI am actually making a Valentinersquos Day card as an art piece and if you open the card it will read lsquoValentinersquos Day is a romantic capitalist scam but for you Irsquod be scammed any dayrsquordquo she says breaking into giggles ldquoI love the concept of love Itrsquos the only thing worth living for I am generally hopeful because there is nothing else left to believe in So I am putting all my coins thererdquo Paul says she is going to keep talking about sexuality and desire through her art ldquoMy work has always been an experiment in how honest I can be social media is a difficult space to showcase this because itrsquos really hard to be vulnerable to strangers But itrsquos selfish to believe that it is not going anywhere and thatnobody caresrdquolsquoAll our gods had consorts and our civilisation has always been about vilaas and pleasurersquoDr Alka PandeAcademic historian museum curator and authorTwo years ago when we first got acquainted with Delhibased Dr Alka Pande she had just released her book Phabullus A Cultural History which was a oneofitskind exploration of ideas and beliefs around the phallus We recall then Pande revisiting a legend around Lord Shiva Angered by the Devas Shiva throws his lingam in the Deodhar forest burning everything around Brahma tells the devas and rishis to worship Uma Parvati because only she can make Shivarsquos organ quiet This story reminded us why the feminine force is the more controlling and dominant energy Yet this is not the knowledge most Indian women have grow up withAlka Pande standing in front of a painting titled Aalingan by Anni Kumari which shows an allegorical intimate embrace at the ongoing India Art Fair in New Delhi PicNishad AlamSixty sixyearold Pande admits that her own traditional upbringing impeded her understanding of sexuality and desire ldquoMy generation of women were taught to sublimate sexuality instead of celebrating it virginity was a big deal and feeling desire was seen as gandi baat But this is a natural human emotion Women have been repressed far too longrdquoPande began acknowledging this experience only when she pursued a doctorate degree in England in the late 1990s ldquoIt was on the theme of Shiva and shakti called Ardhanarishvara the composite malefemale figure of the Lord Shiva together with Parvati The issue of gender gayness and homosexuality were simultaneously coming up in a big way in the college where I was studying Goldsmiths University of London and all of this became part of my research I later converted the art historical document into a cultural book called Ardhanarishvara the Androgyne Probing the Gender WithinrdquoSix years later she was approached to do a book on Indian erotica ldquoI jumped into the idea without any knowledge about the world that was going to open up to merdquo For starters she remembers it being a tough book to do because ldquohow do I draw the line between pornography and the aesthetic of eroticrdquo ldquoThere is a thin linerdquo she says ldquoI went back to my doctoral work and looked at the concept of rasa and shringhar and I realised how all our gods had consorts and how our civilisation itself has always been about vilaas enjoyment and pleasure I became acquainted with a lot of Sanskrit erotic poetry as well which was quite a revelationrdquoA painting of Prince Murad son of Akbar with his wife Mirza in a garden Mughal School 16th century courtesy Freer Gallery of Art The painting was part of a 2022 book Al Fresco Kama Love Under The Open Sky curated by Alka Pande for Speaking Tiger BooksWhile the book helped her explore the lovemaking of Indian gods and the erotic in Indian art that work had the underpinnings of academia ldquoIt was only in 2014 when I curated an art show on the spiritual and erotic in the Kamasutra in Parismdashby which time I had reexamined and reread the Kamasutra in many different waysmdashthat I found new insight into sexuality in the physical way and not just through allegories and poetryrdquoPande says this process not only helped her reclaim the Kamasutra differently it also allowed her to push the envelope each time she wrote a book or curated a show By then she was in her 50s but the awareness of her sexuality made her ldquofearlessrdquo ldquoThe success I received because of my writings on desire and Kamasutra gave me a different level of confidence I didnrsquot have to prove anything to anyone because I was so deeply invested in the subject I understood how evolved our ancients were It was the more Victorian prudery of the English that hemmed us inrdquo she arguesPande feels that with women becoming more economically empowered they have started taking greater control of their bodies ldquoOur genders are fixed sexuality isnrsquot I think more women like to look at other womenrsquos forms Somehow the feminine form is always beautiful the curves the beauty I find it attractiverdquolsquoSelfdetermination is not just the right of nations and people but of every individualrsquoMeena KandasamyPoet writer translator and activistIF one had to browse through the titles that Meena Kandasamyrsquos near twodecadelong writing career has generated her unapologetic resistance to casteism and patriarchy and its concomitant regressive core would be evident Her earliest poetry collections Touch and Ms Militancy bold and powerful as they were breathed fire into her later works The Gypsy Goddess 2014 and the more searing When I Hit You Or A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife 2017 which chronicled her protagonistrsquos abusive marriageMeena Kandasamy known for the flamboyant sexuality in her poetry says writers are capable of disrupting the systemOn a weekday morning in between handling her restive pet Kandasamy tells midday over a telephone call from Puducherry that some of her earliest influences were poet Kamala Das and novelist Arundhati RoyldquoI see myself as someone following in the footsteps of these great brilliant women whorsquove walked before merdquo Therersquos another name she adds to this carefully pruned list Tiruvalluvar A saint poet who she says is central to the lives of the Tamil people but about whom no biographical details remain Tiruvalluvar is credited with authoring the Tirukkural composed somewhere in the first century BCE and which remains one of the most vital texts of this ancient civilisation Even over 2000 years on it continues to be a breathing and living entity ldquoMany Tamil children in school memorised the whole text or part of it I started looking at it and learning it by rote when I was a 16yearoldrdquo she saysThe 1330 verses of the Tirukkural are divided into three sections Morality Materialism and Desire Kandasamyrsquos justpublished work The Book of Desire is a firstofitskind attempt to offer a feminist interventionist translation of the third section of Tirukkural The erotic love poetry describes a herorsquos encounter with a ldquodeadly intoxicatingrdquo Tamil woman While she found it to be a ldquovery democratic textrdquo with more chapters dedicated to how the woman feels about her love interest what bothered Kandaswamy is that this ldquofearinducing Tamil beauty who holds courtrdquo in the poem never existed outside of the book And thatrsquos because she was absent as a translator and commentator of the text It was always the men ldquoFor nearly 2000 years a woman had not touched translated the text It really shows you the male nature of the Tamil intellectual landscape women were never really allowed to share the same space So obviously on the one hand while the intellectual space is heavily based on castelines with only a certain class being seen as worthy of commenting on classical and ancient texts itrsquos also very masculine as there are no female scholars taking this up Therersquos a lot of gatekeeping As a woman when I take up this place translating as a classical scholar and intellectual it is a disruptive act in itselfrdquo says Kandasamy explaining to us in simplest terms how feminism and agency workShe remembers reading some of the earlier translations of the book which were of course by men and being thrown off by the use of words like ldquounionrdquo and ldquocongressrdquo for sex ldquoSo how you take up this space is also important And then change this spacerdquo she says ldquoBy putting women at the centre and talking about desire and sex when the author is actually talking about those things without being shy about itmdashcapturing the vibrancy defiance and vivaciousness of the text and what makes it so irresistible In doing so you are reclaiming the woman inside the book instead of hiding herrdquoThatrsquos why she describes her translation as interventionist ldquoSometimes a book is not just a book itrsquos a statement itrsquos a political act one that changes mindsrdquoKandasamy whose activism has been the bedrock of her writing admits that the current environment needs women to take control of their narratives ldquoWe are now living in a society where lovers are being punished with death if they love outside their caste women are told not to fall in lovemdashmuch of the discourse is against love and it is coming from regressive political forces There is a lot of moral policing repression and shaming Thatrsquos not our culturerdquoWriters she says are capable of disrupting such a system and working against inequality ldquoYou can speak about your desires normalise divorce friendshipsamesex relationships and sexuality We are living at such an interesting time and therersquos so much we have to saymdashand itrsquos being said of courserdquoKandasamy says her newest translation is only an extension of her work and ldquothe very flamboyant sexuality in my poetryrdquo In 2012 she wrote about her own brief and violent marriage which explained the urgency to address the issue in her later works ldquoSelfdetermination right to choose for oneself is not just the right of nations and people but of every individual This is why I think in a patriarchal castecontrolled society like ours women have to embrace the necessary defiance to make their own choices in order to take control of their bodies their sexuality and desiresrdquoLonging for sexNot wine but it is sex that gives sheer delight at thought and such pleasure at sightNo not even a littlemillet poutmdashtotal nonsulking is essential when sexual desire overflows and stands as tall as a palmyraHe does not care for me he does just as he pleases yet my eyes know no peace not having seen my manPetulant I went to pick a fight dear girlfriend ndash but my heart forgot that and ran after him for sexLike eyes that cannot see a kohlliner while it defines them I do not see my loverrsquos faults when he is in front of meWhen he is with me I see no faults at all When we are apart I see nothing but faultsLike those who dive aware they will be dragged away I learnt the futility of anger by fighting with my loverLike drink that reduces the drunk to objects of ridicule so does the chest of this charmerSofter than flowers is making lovehellipFew obtain its eleganceHer eyes held tears as she sulkedmdashwe hugged trembling with desireher haste surpassed minelsquoNudity isnrsquot wrong Being fully clothed isnrsquot wrongrsquoRoshini KumarPhotographer activist and modelIT was Roshini Kumarrsquos battle with cancer at 14 yearsmdashNonHodgkinrsquos lymphoma Stage IVmdashthat made her look at life through the lens of a camera Having dealt with body image issues as a child the camera became a tool to understand herself her body and her struggles Thatrsquos when her journey with body positivity began ldquoI remember as part of the final project at the photography school where I was studying back in 2015 I decided to do a nude shoot of myself where I showcased my insecurities and how they had decreased It was meant to be a personal accomplishment as much as it was an art piecerdquo remembers the 30yearold Mumbai resident ldquoBut I also felt that I needed to put it out there because if I still cared about what people thought of me it meant that I had not reached my goal of being comfortable in my own skinrdquoMumbaibased Roshni Kumar practices body positivity activism through photography PicM FahimWhen she shared the photograph in the nude on her social media she remembers being a bit worried ldquoNobody was doing these things then Much to my surprise I received great reviews So many wrote to me saying that they felt seen This motivated me to do more of itrdquo Thatrsquos how Kumarrsquos body positivity activism began Kumar says that patriarchy capitalism and misogyny can be particularly hard on women and queer persons ldquoThey are shamed for looking good wearing clothes they want to for feeling sexy and experiencing pleasure Irsquove seen so many of my friends struggle with thisrdquoIn 2018 she launched the ldquobare seriesrdquo to tear down the bias and discrimination and ldquosee bodies as bodiesrdquo ldquoThe second time I did the series I invited my followers on social media to come and be part of it I picked a random set of 30 people whom I then shot at my home I asked my subjects what about their body made them insecure and I tried shooting that aspect to remind them that they actually looked good and that there was nothing wrong with their physical selves A lot of them went back feeling wholesome and full they said and thatrsquos the purpose of my workmdashto change skewed perspectives and challenge beauty standardsrdquoFrom Roshini Kumarrsquos series Bare 2018 ldquoI invited people from my social media followers who were ready to get vulnerable in front of the camera These two lovely people came from different cities and let me photograph what they thought were their insecuritiesrdquo she saysAccording to Kumar body positivity and sexuality are interlinked ldquoI identify as queer but for a long time I suppressed this because society looks down at queerness as being different When I started getting to know my body more and loving it more I realised I had been hiding this side of me Thatrsquos when I began shedding the inhibitions and exploring my sexualityrdquoOn her Instagram page Kumar strips down to bare minimummdashsometimes flaunting her curves in an animalprint bikini or sitting comfortably at home in undies and sports bra ldquoNudity isnrsquot wrong Being fully clothed isnrsquot wrongrdquo she captions one of her posts ldquoI see people getting triggered every now and then by my posts It doesnrsquot bother me no It only bothers me that they have been taught that this mindset is right It shouldnrsquot bother anyone that someone is comfortable in their body enough to not care about standards And constantly being sexualised because of lsquonudityrsquo isnrsquot even what I want Yrsquoall are projecting your own ideals onto this I will happily sexualise myself when I wish to I ainrsquot here to comfort you Irsquom here to make you see perspectives yoursquove never seen beforerdquoshe writesFeeling pleasure Kumar tells us now helped her know what she wanted from herself and others and the kind of energy she would allow into her life ldquoDesire and sexuality are so normal and natural that they donrsquot require a definition It comes with just being itrsquos as simple as nature Until a few centuries ago we celebrated sexuality I remember researching for an article and learnt that the oldest known sex toy 32000 years old is older than the institution of religion and marriage Colonisation messed us up and it took our own culture away We are still feeling the effects of itrdquoAlso ReadValentines Day 2023 Jay Shetty on fairytale romance and what makes love last