Papa is my role model: Vidhie Mukerjea talks about her memoir

Devilrsquos daughter Itrsquos a rather unsettling title for a bookmdasha memoir to be precisemdashwritten by a 23yearold young woman grappling with the uncertainty called life She is referring to herself but also her parentage And neither cast her in great lightIn a world that is increasingly becoming polarised where you can either be black or white good or evil Vidhie Mukerjea appears to have unabashedly made the choice She offers little resistance because this decision she says was never really hers to make Her ldquojourney to hell and not quite back yetrdquo began in 2015 on the eve of her 18th birthday ldquoThat day I began to be seen as the child of the devil herself by so many peoplerdquo she writes in the introduction to her just released book published by WestlandVidhie Mukerjea daughter of Peter and Indrani Mukerjea spent a better part of 2020 stranded in Hong Kong due to the pandemic Of late she has been learning about Taoism and different ancient philosophies She is currently residing in Goa PicJane DrsquoSouzaVidhie is the youngest child of Indrani Mukerjea who in 2015 was arrested for allegedly murdering her daughter Sheena Bora a crime committed three years earlierBora then 25 had allegedly been strangled in a car on April 24 2012 after which her body was burnt and dumped in a forest in Raigad Vidhiersquos biological father Kolkatabased Sanjeev Khanna was also arrested based on information provided by Indranirsquos driver Shyamvar Rai who turned an approver Then a few months later her stepfather media baron Peter Mukerjeamdashwhom Vidhie describes as her ldquoknight in shining armourrdquomdashwas incarcerated This was the time Vidhie had been sent to Regentrsquos University London away from the drama unfolding around what was going to be one of the most notorious criminal cases in Mumbairsquos recent history ldquoI was walking back to my room when I hit refresh on the internet again and saw the headlineshellip I could feel the blood rushing up through my body and into my head and I started to feel extremely dizzy I started shaking but not physicallymdashit felt like my organs were shiveringhellip Papa was the only person that could get through to mehellip And now he was being taken awayrdquo she recalls of that time in her book moments after learning of the news on her phoneWhat does it mean to be Vidhie Mukerjea A young woman of privilege who once had everything and slowly nothing A few experiences with the media some of which she shares in the book have made her wary about speaking Over the last few years she has preferred to stonewall people The reluctance spills over to this interview as well Currently in Goa she has agreed to speak with midday but over emailIndrani founder of 9X Media with husband Peter exStar India CEO in November 2007The day Vidhie reverts to our questions there has been a development in the Bora murder case The CBI which took over the highprofile case from the Mumbai police in September 2015 told a special court that it had closed its six yearlong investigation No such closure awaits VidhieShe says she has written the book ldquothree times in her head alreadyrdquo But it was only last year that she got down to punching it on a laptop ldquoEverything in life happens at the right time Even though I tried writing it a couple of times I couldnrsquot Perhaps I was too immature before or I wasnrsquot ready to go through the whole process of getting it all down Itrsquos emotionally draining trying to remember every day every momentrdquo she tells midday ldquoAfter graduating from university I needed something to do People usually get jobs and start working For me this just came organically as the next step Once I started writing I couldnrsquot stop I went through hell for five years and in that period I experienced serious lows filled with anxiety and panic I wondered how many young people my age would be facing something similar but for different reasons So I decided to write my story hoping others feel inspired and strongerrdquoVidhie then 18 seen leaving Bandra court on August 31 2015 PicsGetty ImagesThere was also a part of her that wanted to examine why she had been consistently misunderstood ldquoThe second my mom went into prison I saw peoplersquos perception shift Itrsquos almost as though I was written off as a messedup kid who would have a messedup liferdquo she says ldquoI felt like I was under a microscope by both those who knew me and those who didnrsquotmdashthe media and society at large My behaviour was being questionedmdashwhy was I partying travelling not attending university not getting a job I was numb to what had happened I was 18 I started doubting myself through those yearshellip but hey I totally came out of it I had to feel all of that to do itrdquoLike most books this one too opens with a dedication Itrsquos to her mother Indrani ldquoI do not know her or fully understand her I do not understand some of her decisions and actions and hope to get some answers and clarity in the coming yearsrdquo writes VidhieAfter spending more than four years behind bars in the Sheena Bora murder case former media baron Peter Mukerjea walked out of Arthur Road Jail in Mumbai on March 20 2020 PicGetty ImagesTheirs wasnrsquot the most easygoing relationship Indrani by nature had been ldquoquite controllingrdquo As Vidhie sharesmdashShe had this image in her mind of an Ascoring allrounder daughter who would eventually want to become a lawyer Vidhie who had moved to a boarding school in England at the age of 11 had developed a rebellious spirit and this often led to arguments ldquoAll parentchild relationships have their ups and downsmdashsometimes we were like the best of friends and at others we just didnrsquot understand each other But I would like to think that she did act with my best interest at heartrdquo she tells us now Itrsquos around this time that Bora came into their life She was introduced to Vidhie as Indranirsquos sister who lived in Guwahati and had come to study at South Mumbairsquos St Xavierrsquos College ldquoShe was like the older sister I never had We got along really wellrdquo recalls VidhieIndrani Mukerjea at the Bandra family court to file for divorce on September 17 2018 PicGetty ImagesThings began to get complicated when Bora started dating Rahul Mukerjea Peterrsquos son from his first marriage While both Peter and Vidhie seemed to have warmed up to the couple Indrani was always on the edge and even made attempts to separate the two Vidhie says that at one point she warned her against meeting Bora but the two girls had developed a bond and continued to meet secretly The situation came to a head when Bora told Peter and Vidhie that she wasnrsquot Indranirsquos sister but daughter Peter had once before confronted his wife about this detail only to be rebuffed the second time seemed to have been no different ldquoShe told us that she would take a DNA test convince us and also gave us lsquoproofrsquo that Rahul and Sheena were doing drugs togetherrdquo Vidhie writes in the bookBorarsquos sudden disappearance in 2012 did take Vidhie by surprise All she knew was that Bora had broken off with Rahul and moved away But what came as a bigger shock was when she learnt that she didnrsquot want to be in touch with anyone including her ldquoWhen she was not a part of my life anymore it hurt a lot The pain is still thererdquo Vidhie tells middayThe news of her death through the police and media came as a blow but she says ldquoI literally couldnrsquot process any of itrdquo ldquohellipmy mum went to prison then my dad and after that things just kept going south for five years nonstop So after it hit me one fine day it took me another two years to process things and I still am it All I can say is that I miss her Bora immenselyrdquo she saysOn several occasions in the book Vidhie speaks about how much her mother loved her She admits to us now that this thought that her mother had done ldquoeverything for merdquo did weigh her down ldquoWhen it the crime happened I was young I did feel the burden of it at times questioning whether I was responsible all of which ate away at my selfesteem But as Irsquove matured I understand now that I am not responsible for anyone elsersquos actionsrdquoAt least in the beginning she remembers feeling a lot of rage towards Indrani and that led her to deliberately cutting off from her She refused to respond to her letters and when in Mumbai shersquod avoid any visits to the Byculla Womenrsquos Jail ldquoI wasnrsquot really equipped to deal with that was going on with me I did have people there for me of course but I wasnrsquot really keen on talking to anyone about how I felt or what I was going throughrdquo Vidhie remembersComing facetoface with Indrani at the Bombay High Court once she says was an agonising experienceShe revisits that incident in her book ldquoMy dad looked at me and said lsquoGo say hi to her Vids Go give her a hugrsquoI felt this surge of anger and I went up to her and started yelling all kinds of things Everyone around us could hear what I was sayinglsquoWhy are you doing thisrsquoI shoutedrdquoVidhie returned home and guzzled down alcohol and a ldquobunch of different medicinesrdquo only to be later rushed to the hospital after she was found frothing from the mouth ldquoToday I have a more empathetic outlook considering where my mother came from and the rough life she had I truly do appreciate the life she and my father Peter gave merdquo she says adding ldquoEmpathy has allowed me to learn a great deal about myself and my interactions with others And it also made me realise that I ought to give her my mother a chancerdquoVidhiersquos relationship with Peter on the other hand has been rock solid with her continuing to vouch for his innocence ldquoI speak about it in my book lsquoThe blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the wombrsquo I owe everything to that man I can speak to him about absolutely anything He is my idol and role model in every aspect His strength and character has kept me together mentally and emotionally And thatrsquos the case for my entire family He kept us togetherrdquo she shares with usPeter and Indrani parted ways in 2019 after Indrani announced her decision to file for divorceWhile the book is as much about the turn her life took back in 2015 itrsquos also about her attempt to make peace with her reality ldquoI had to essentially parent myself at 18 I didnrsquot have a choicerdquo she saysUnable to cope with the string of bad news she dropped out of Regentrsquos and returned to Mumbai in June 2017 Some friends stayed others had abandoned her but many new friends came along This and her fatherrsquos letters gave her the courage to start again Backpacking trips and several odd jobs later Vidhie was finally able to get back to studyingIn March 2019 amidst her parentsrsquo divorce proceedings she learnt through her aunt Shangon Das Gupta Peterrsquos sister that her father had suffered a mild heart attack A few days later she was told that Peter was to have an open heart surgery She remembers being livid with Indrani ldquofor putting him in this situationrdquo and the ldquounforgiving mediardquo An article that she stumbled upon indicated that ldquopapa was getting special treatment at a private hospital as he was an influential manrdquo ldquoI could probably write a whole separate book on this questionrdquo she tells us when we ask her about it ldquoI was devastated and so confused as to how nasty people could be I was so shaken that I was pretty much close to giving up He was my one pillar and source of strength To think of him not being there especially in that manner it turned me upside downrdquo Vidhie adds Though Peter was granted bail by the Bombay High Court in 2020 Vidhie hasnrsquot still been able to spend quality time with him ldquoAs the trial is still going on we all have to maintain our distance I havenrsquot been able to be with him sadly but I have heard that he is trying to heal and stay in happy spirits like his usual selfrdquo she saysDuring the last five years her aunt Shangon and stepbrother Rabin have stepped up as her guardians in London and Mumbai ldquoBua really stood by me through it all even when I was a little brat with her I really didnrsquot make it easy for her Each of us were going through so much but back then I didnrsquot give a momentrsquos thought to how much she was dealing with Only as I got older and found comfort in solitude did I begin having these moments of deep introspection into what others were feelingrdquo she saysVidhie however refuses to discuss ldquothe inner workingsrdquo of her relationship with brothers Rahul and Rabin ldquoWe have all gone through so much and we are all trying to healhellip What I can say is that we are all definitely there for each other in a very special wayrdquoWhile the memory of the troubled 17yearold self will always remain with her Vidhie believes that her life is slowly looking up ldquoYou know over the past year everything seems to have got better At 23 being a debut author is quite a special feeling Things are honestly great I thank all those who have been so kind to mehellip Irsquom sure my father would love to hear that I am now an eternal optimist like he isrdquo2012Year police found decomposed body in Pen Raigad three years later said to be Sheenarsquos