The last wave

Before I got married into a family from Pune my father passed away Aai mother had fainted and so I had to sit by babarsquos father bed all night I remember not being scared at all The bond and love between us was so strong I knew I had to stay with himrdquo recollects Chitra Chandrachud Itrsquos her fatherrsquos death and his funeral that she says changed her life foreverNow 74 Chandrachud thinks every girl has the right to say goodbye to those she loves ldquoAnd by that I mean that she be allowed to go to the crematorium and conduct the last rites if she wishes tordquo Chandrachud clarifiesIn 1997 when she turned 52 Chandrachud decided to chart a path that challenged patriarchy She says she could well be the first priestess in Maharashtra who conducted traditional ceremonies pujas weddings and funerals To celebrate her lifersquos work a documentary is doing the rounds on YouTube Simply titled Chitra itrsquos a film by Harsh Matondkar a Mumbaibased filmmaking graduate He chose to make Chandrachud the subject of his postgraduation project Searching for an answer to why exactly women were kept away from last rites his research led him to ldquoChitra aajirdquo and he began shooting in January last yearChandrachud has been conducting funeral rites for the last 22 years across India PicAli Monis NaqviChandrachud grew up in a traditional Brahmin household where bhajans and kirtans were an everyday affair Her father organised an annual 10day festival following Janmashtami celebrating the birth of Lord Krishna at their Solapur home ldquoKathas discourses and pujas were incomplete without the presence of all family members Even as a child I found comfort in these ritualsrdquo Chandrachud tells middayAlao Read The sound of musicYears later when as a young woman she read Gargi Ajun Jeevant Ahe Gargi is still alive in which the female protagonist performs the last rites in Benaras Chandrachud wondered why it was assumed that women would be incapable of living with the loss of a loved one and able to give them a warm send off ldquoThere is a wall built that differentiates certain ceremonies as ashubh and shubh During Pitru Paksha 16day lunar period in the Hindu calendar Hindus pay homage to their deceased ancestors through food offerings Donrsquot we pay the same tribute to our respective Gods Why then do we consider funerals to be inauspicious Why are only men allowed to bid adieu to their folks Donrsquot women have an equal right to say goodbyerdquo she asks Itrsquos this that led her to join a threemonth course at Jnana Prabodhini a multifarious institute in Pune that conducts priesthood trainingChandrachud in fact is of the opinion that the inherent emotional strength that women carry makes them able to face and accept death with grace ldquoThe first time I was sent to perform the last rites I was nervous but not scared People were surprised to see a priestess but as the rituals began they were at ease This was obviously not an easy journey I had to convince my fatherinlaw before I could do this But the fact that I was in my mid50s with both my sons having started their lives with their partners made it easy for society to accept my role Had my kids been younger I doubt any parent would have given them their daughters in marriage to a family where the motherinlaw conducts such customsrdquoHarsh MatondkarIn the 22 years since she began Chandrachud has conducted over 250 funerals and many more religious ceremonies including nuptials birth rituals and other pujas ldquoOnce I convinced a widowed mother to perform her daughterrsquos wedding ceremony In India if a widower can why canrsquot a widow sit for her childrsquos marriage I am trying to break stereotypes each time I am presented an opportunity and itrsquos possible tordquo she smilesSpeaking about the eightminute documentary that went live last week Matondkar says ldquoIn the film Chitra aaji says something beautiful that has stayed with me She says that a father carries his daughter and her problems on his shoulders for most part of his life Why then should she not be allowed to carry him on hers when it is his time to gordquo