‘We should all have the right to look and feel beautiful’

The rainsoaked jowar fields at Pothare in Karmala taluka of Solapur district are empty when this writer and midday photo journalist Pradeep Dhivar arrive early on a weekday afternoon after a ninehour journey from Mumbai Caught in a downpourmdashthe day an orange alert is issued for the neighbouring district of Kolhapurmdashthe villagers have chosen to remain indoors Except for 35yearold Jaya Dutta Shinde who we find at her tea stallShe is dressed in a printed cotton maxi a dupatta wrapped around her shoulders Shinde isnrsquot too pleased by our presence She later tells us that she would have ldquodressed appropriatelyrdquomdashin a fine saree with bangles to matchmdashif she had known we were expected The only ornament on her is the mangalsutra ldquoMy husband died three years ago due to kidney failurerdquo she says as if already aware of what has brought us there ldquoThe women in my village suggested that I continue to wear the tikli and mangalsutra to prevent unwanted attention from menrdquoMadhuri Zinjade who lost her husband in an accident married Amol and has a threeyearold son Samarth She is the first widow to remarry and move into Pothare villageA mother of two Shinde determined to finance her family took up a job as farm labourer before starting this tea stallcumtailoring shop in a space that belongs to the Gram Panchayat ldquoI also sell banglesrdquo she smilesShinde represents a gradual change that has been brewing in Pothare Not long ago widows would be taunted for wearing the mangalsutra ldquoTheyrsquod say lsquoWhy is she wearing it usko navre ka sukhdukh hai kya she doesnrsquot have the good fortune of having a husbandrsquordquoKavita Vikas Jadhav 33 who lost her husband to COVID19 last year says that after this yearrsquos Vidhwa Samman an initiative to honour widows initiated by Zinjade people have once again begun inviting her to wedding ceremoniesThe loss of a husband meant that a woman would be subjected to demeaning rituals wiping of the sindoor removing the bindi toe ring bangles and mangalsutra Shersquod have to stay out of all religious and social gatherings Last month more than 5000 of the 28000plus Gram Panchayats in Maharashtra unanimously agreed to ban widow customs that critics say amount to denial of human rights Of these 103 villages belong to Sangola taluka of SolapurTo ensure that his wife Alka doesnrsquot have to follow widow customs Pramod Zinjade filed an affidavit with the Tehsil officer ldquoSoon a few more men from the neighbouring village got similar affidavits preparedrdquo he saysPothare village is where the movement birthed And its proponent is an inspiring 64yearold Pramod Zinjade fondly called ldquoBabardquo by the residents has been spearheading the movement against regressive traditions that marginalise women through his nonprofit Mahatma Phule Samaj Seva Mandal Set up in 1984 it worked for the rights of Scheduled Caste and Scheduled Tribes It was during the Coronavirus pandemic that Zinjade turned his attention to womenrsquos rights when a colleague passed away ldquoIt had been barely 10 minutes since his pyre was lit and a group of women huddled to strip his wife off his memories I was shakenrdquoWhen we meet him on that rainy morning he is busy networking to gain support from the sarpanchs of nearby villages to allow widows to hoist the tricolour this August 15 when India celebrates 75 years of independence He says he hasnrsquot made an inroad but is hopefulSangita Bharat Kamble former sarpanch of Pothare was 18 and 24 weeks pregnant when she lost her husband a soldier Seen here with her son Vikram an agriculture engineering graduatethis year on Makar Sankranti Zinjade had made an unsuccessful attempt at organising a haldikumkum ceremony that involved the participation of widows Itrsquos where traditionally married women gather and exchange haldi turmeric and kumkum vermilion powder as a symbol of their married status and to pray for the health of their husbands Widows typically stay out as they do during the oti bharan a patriarchal tradition that sees married women exchange sareeblouse along with coconut haldi kumkum bangles mangalsutra and rice hoping for a male childZinjade wrote an open letter with suggestions on why and how the villagers should participate in supporting the effort He posted it on WhatsApp groups hoping that men in a position of power like sarpanchs would take note He says ldquoThe message was shared widely it went viralrdquoKamble participating in the Oti Bharan ceremony a ritual where married women exchange sarees coconut haldikumkum bangles and rice to pray for a male child Earlier this year activist Pramod Zinjade tried organising a haldikumkum event in Pothare and encouraged widows to participate for the first timeWhen yet another villager succumbed to diabetes it was too close for comfort for Zinjade ldquoI am diabetic too What if Alka his wife would have to suffer the same faterdquo He prepared an affidavit that said he wanted his wife to continue living like any other married woman after he was gone He shared the document with Sameer Mane the tehsildar of Karmala taluka ldquoSoon I heard that a few more men from a neighbouring village had got a similar affidavit preparedrdquo he tells usThe Pothare Gram Panchayat passed a resolution banning customs that ostracise widows on May 31 2022 Before this two villages in Kolhapur district and one in Pune had done the same Pothare spread across 5230 acres and which according to the 2011 village census had 3882 residents is home to nearly 50 widows ldquoWe are hopeful that the Maharashtra government will pass a law that puts an end to these practices once and for allrdquo says Dhananjay Gopinath Zinjade Pothare sarpanch Deepak Kundalik Survashi sarpanch of neighbouring Bhose adds ldquoWe are going to counsel families to get their daughters remarried as well as encourage men to consider widows as life partnersrdquoDhananjay Gopinath Zinjade and Sameer ManeOn May 18 the Rural Development Department of the Maharashtra government headed by Hasan Mushrif issued a circular asking Zilla Parishads and Gram Panchayats to do away with practices that marginalise widows The move saw Women and Child Development Minister Yashomati Thakur Baramati MP Supriya Sule and School Education Minister Varsha Gaikwad back the changeZinjade who has reportedly said that he has got queries from other states that are keen to follows suit has managed to receive government support especially because leaders see this as a legacy of social reform started by Jyotiba and Savitribai Phule a couple that continues to be hailed for extraordinary reforms to end gender and castebased discrimination as early as the 1800s Especially remarkable was their effort to promote widow remarriage urging barbers to refuse to tonsure the heads of widows and setting an example by raising the son of a Brahmin widow as their own Not very different from what Zinjade had tried to do during haldikumkum at Pothare according to records Savitribai had organised a gettogether for women of all castes The ceremony is one typically propagated by upper caste women Gender and social reform was pursued later in Maharashtra by Gopalkrishna Gokhale Lokmanya Tilak Keshav Baliram Hedgewar and Vinoba Bhave Itrsquos this that led former President Ramnath Kovind to call Maharashtra the ldquokarmabhoomirdquo of social reformersSocial activist Mariam Dhawale who is also general secretary of All India Democratic Womenrsquos Association lauds the governmentrsquos move but says that the ldquoresolution directing villages to ban the archaic widowhood practices says nothing about what a woman can do in case she still faces discrimination There is no penal actionrdquo She adds ldquoWe live in a discriminatory society where women arenrsquot considered equal They are seen as appendages and never as individuals Even recently a judge Justice Pratibha M Singh of the Delhi High Court hailed Manusmriti a vedic code of conduct to be an ideal Hindu even though we all know that it is a Brahmanical patriarchal document that reinforces genderrelated atrocitiesrdquoFormer sarpanch of Pothare Sangita Bharat Kamble 43 was in her teens when her husband a soldier from Beed was martyred in 1998 ldquoI was 24 weeks pregnantrdquo Kamble tells midday ldquoMy aaji maternal grandmother removed the tikli from my forehead broke my bangles took off my jodvi toe rings and broke the mangalsutra I pleaded with her not to I had never seen something like this beforerdquo remembers Kamble who was married right after her Class X exams She says she refused to cower Gradually she mustered the courage to once again put on the tikli bangles and a chain of black beeds sans mani and vati which are integral to the Maharashtrian mangalsutra The villagers criticised her but her parents welcomed her back home took her along to social gatherings and provided the support she needed to bring up her childWe are sitting in the drawing room of her home in Pothare Kamble moved back from Beed in 1998 after her inlaws expressed the opinion that a woman as young as her would be more comfortable around her maternal family Her son Vikram now 24 sits before a portrait of his father The family appears complete even if in that moment ldquoThe stripping of a womanrsquos identity is not fair They arenrsquot just symbols of marriagehood you see young girls wear bangles and tikli long before they are married Why remove them then when the husband is no morerdquo Kamble who likes to speak her mind narrates an incident from a Veer Nari ceremony held to honour the widows of martyred military men ldquoWe were handed sarees and bangles but not haldikumkum I asked them if you claim that our martyred husbands are amar immortal why are you treating us as widowsrdquoA few kilometres from Kamblersquos home Madhuri Zinjade lives with her second husband Amol threeyearold son Samarth and inlaws ldquoIn 2015 I lost my husband to an accident My parents decided to marry me again and an uncle found a match in Potharerdquo says Madhuri whom we catch early on the following day while she is busy lighting the stove Would she recommend other widows to marry again ldquoYesrdquo she says instantly ldquoOur society isnrsquot kind to widows I wasnrsquot allowed to attend any auspicious event It was only after I remarried that I was called to a wedding They still donrsquot include me in the haldikumkum ceremony Thankfully the women of my family have been inclusiverdquo All the women we meet debate the purpose of shrigaar or adornment ldquoWhy must we dress up only for our husbands Whether married remarried or widowed we should be allowed to dress the way we like We should all have the right to look and feel beautifulrdquo Madhuri thinksAlthough happy with her new family she admits that remarriage has come at a price Mayur her son from the earlier marriage now lives with her mother ldquoI pay him a visit as often as I can He is now in Class IIIrdquo she says remorsefullyIt might not be an ideal situation but the women agree that every privilege fought for and earned is worth it Kavita Vikas Jadhav 33 who lost her husband an autorickshaw driver to COVID last year says that hardly anyone had turned up for his funeral ldquoI removed the tikli broke my bangles and mangalsutra myselfrdquo Tears are tough to hold back for the mother of three Jadhav didnrsquot step out of home for a year ldquoBut after this yearrsquos Vidhwa Samman respect for widows programme people have started calling me to family functions It feels good when somebody comes over to invite me I canrsquot comment on whatrsquos unfolding in other villages but here I am now allowed to participate in the otiVikram holds a BTech degree in Agriculture Engineering from an institute in Kolhapur but Kamble feels that her son would have had a better future had he studied at an Army school She could have pursued a course or taken up a job via the vocational training grant and reservation in jobs offered to widows of soldiers martyred but Kamble says she was too young to make an independent decision Her chance was lost she knows and in a sort of makegood move she has turned into a voice of reason for women of the village ldquoI encourage women to remarry It is a long life and society isnrsquot kind to single women I ask them to make their own decisionsrdquo Does she regret not marrying ldquoTo be honest it didnrsquot occur to me then and for many many years after But of late especially when I am sick I feel it would have been nice to have someone ask lsquohow are you feelingrsquordquo50No of widows in Pothare village