What do men want? Pooja Dhingra on freezing her eggs and finding a partner

Therersquos an imperceptible and unique indicator that patisserie brand Le 15rsquos headquarters at Lower Parel is a happy placemdashmore than one employee looks you in the eye smiles lsquoHirsquo pleasantly and goes back to work No introduction needed They are not head down buried in the selftalk that they are overworked life sucks and itrsquos not going to get better Confidence comes from happiness and safetyBoth of which the baker behind the door to the office Pooja Dhingra has Her Instagram feed is a reel of manifestations Modelling pal Rhea Kapoorrsquos latest collaboration with jewellery brand Pippa Bella A visit from Apple CEO Tim Cook Her cookies to be available inflight A cookin with other bestie Sonam K Ahuja to launch one more bookhellip Then the announcement that Dhingra is freezing her eggsWe see this as selfcare NowmdashDhingra ensuring that futuremdashDhingra can experience motherhood if she chooses Wersquore not asking the clicheacuted question Why is this successful selfmade woman single We are askingmdashbecause wersquove known her for a whilemdashwhy no man has levelled up to match this woman who is committed to selfgrowth happiness and leadership with a steely moral nervePooja DhingraLetrsquos address the elephant in the room It isnrsquot Dhingrarsquos body type as much as aunties and uncles will have us believe There are as many flavours of desire as there are people the variety of erotica available is testament to this Look around the mall at your family weddingmdashwe are a legion of curvy peoplemdashall sexesmdashhappily partneredldquoWhen I turned 36 last yearrdquo she tells us ldquoI started thinking about having a baby I knew at 19 I wanted to be a mother Of all my friends I am the most maternalrdquo She thought about it for a whole year speaking to people who had done it researching the cost logistics and process before going for it ldquoI wanted to give myself the optionrdquo she said ldquoAnd thatrsquos the thingmdashI have a good life I love what I do I wake up excited So maybe I donrsquot get everything together Maybe I have a different pathrdquoDhingra is lucky to have a rare gift that tilts her in favour of bringing a baby into what comedian Hannah Gadsby calls ldquothe mass extinction event we arerdquomdasha happy family She is close to her mother who has pushed her to achieve everything she wants Her breakfast and lunch still come from her parentsrsquo home kitchen in Lower Parel She lived with them until two years ago and when they move nearer to her in Bandra her dinner will be sorted tooldquoThe thing isrdquo she says ldquoI have got very good at reading my life and pivoting When COVID came and the business suffered she had to shut down a few independent outlets and a cherished cafeacute in Colaba I was very open about it But then I saw the opportunity to go into packaged products that overrule the limitations of fresh eats And now the business has expandedrdquoThe other thing Dhingra offers up on a cake stand is vulnerability ldquoAs I was going through the painful process oocyte cryopreservation I thought to myself why am I doing this alone At least this much companionship is promised to a Punjabi womanmdashat least an arranged marriage But then I thought about the love I receive from friends When I had to go for a trigger shot at 230 am to a medical centre in Kandivli a hormonal injection that lsquotriggersrsquo your eggs to mature and burst out from the ovaries so they can be captured by an egg retrieval procedure my friends came with me and we had a rsquo90s party in the car I have all this love from my friendsrdquoDhingra is present on one dating app but only because a certain international talk show host is there too Otherwise she prefers meeting men through friends and acquaintances and like many of us with a vocation most of them she meets through workhellip which can be limiting And like us she often hears ldquoYou are intimidatingrdquo and ldquoYou seem like you donrsquot need merdquoWe both throw up our hands and sigh dramatically Women like us didnrsquot survive infanticide and stand up against dowry systems to carefully build a behaviour that doesnrsquot unnerve the men Or anyone else The consequence of this is that many women your girl here included let out a slow trickle of information when we meet a suitor A man would boldly tell you how many people he employs or which part of the city he owns a home in Until the third or fourth date I donrsquot let men know my designations I am fortunate to enjoy two selfactualising vocations in my early 40s The fact that I speak four languages fluently plus two dialects have an entry level degree in another converse in one more and understand a smattering of another twohellip has never come up Look at this way I am the partner who knows how to mindfully build a rich fulfilling life and does not want to live vicariously Itrsquos something we could do togetherAnd the other accusation itrsquos called being a functioning adult Women have learnt to secure and plan financial futures hone their leadership styles Dhingra is part of an annual programme where she assesses her traits and goals selfreflect and extend their personality to get what they want We women may no longer want you to craft a place or role for ourselves in society but isnrsquot it flattering that we want you anywaymdashFor emotional sustenance physical warmth and some general fun while we both individuate We understand that men are raised to feel needed but we can both learn to need each other in new ways without being codependent Surely you can overcome thisDhingra hasnrsquot put a timer on parenting and is open to adopting She sees her profession growing in a new direction with a child A range of childfriendly treats books of recipes you can make togetherhellip We are curious to know her childrsquos sugar quota What if gasp she doesnrsquot like chocolate or sweetsIn a partner it has to be one who shares equal responsibility Again look at it as having the fun together not the work Therersquos a book she is reading right now Calling in the One It theorises that you have to list the qualities that you want in a partner and then embody them We both agree itrsquos too much workIn a man shersquos looking for kindness and generosity of the gift of attention time appreciation affection Thatrsquos what you wouldnrsquot mind giving a woman whose business machinery involves 100 employees five independent outlets six cloud kitchens and a retail network of packaged goods ldquoWhen you grow up around men whom you see doing this it becomes your baselinerdquo she says The baffling thing is she is also surrounded by men in the form of friends who want such partnerships Then why the gap ldquoI donrsquot know ya Itrsquos a global problem My friends in Germany Europe New York all face it Thatrsquos where your real story isrdquoDhingra had a long deep love in her life when she started Le 15 13 years ago and when that ended she dug deeper into her work When she finally came out for breath the game had changed Therersquos a customised painting in her office by Kalakaari Haath with elements of Japan and Parismdasheverything she loves and wants Itrsquos right opposite her desk Therersquos a heron top of Mt Fuji which shersquos currently training to trek to this August meditating on top of a pagoda she hopes to do a yoga training course some day the Eiffel tower cherry blossoms a patisseriehellip and though she didnrsquot ask for it a man outside it sipping coffeehellip ldquoPlease donrsquot make me look like a becharirdquo she tells us with a laugh She is a woman content within herself and the life she has built She is a catalyst for any man to have that too Herersquos our dream for her A kitchen a child and hisher parents all laughing and baking together