Sliding into someone's DMs is now the alternative to swiping left or right. Here's why the photo-sharing site is the hottest new dating app in town
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It was during a mid-week catch up with a friend over a few glasses of wine that we discovered the new dating app in town. It is one we are all well accustomed to now. As he said, "Why would I be on Tinder, if I have Instagram?" Confused? He tells us a story. The just-divorced, eligible, moderately famous, charming 34-year-old writer loves to date, although without commitment. "The dating apps are too in-your-face. Your profile on Instagram is an extension of you, as it's a much safer place to be yourself. Dating on Instagram may be a byproduct, but I feel if you are single [or not] and open to it, it invariably happens. Depending on what you put out, you attract the right kind of energy." The writer has gone on multiple dates, most that end up in nightcaps, via Instagram. When we speak to him, probing deeper about how the dating process works, he is candid as always. "So I usually get lots of messages, and I usually reply with a heart emoji. But if someone leaves an interesting comment about a piece of writing that intrigues me, I respond, and then sometimes the conversation takes off organically. There is light flirting, then a plan is made to 'meet'. For example, I am in Delhi right now for work, and I have three or four people who want to take me out, so I am waiting to see what turn the evening will take now."
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If we thought he was an anomaly when he first mentioned using Instagram in lieu of Tinder or any other similar dating app, subsequent conversations with people across ages, professions, gender and sexual preference has proved that it is certainly the new truth. The fact that the social media site is devoid of the blatant connotation that you are out there just for a one-night stand, or worse, to find love, makes it easier for people to connect. But the lack of any formal "agenda" to chat, also makes it a hot pit for ghosting, and other forms of heartbreak. "Also, who is checking ages? I have young girls, who are not even 18, messaging me asking me to meet them, indulge in physical signs of affection all the time. I either quit these conversations, or ask them to talk to their parents and seek help. Thank god, you see their profiles and get to know their age. Or this could be problematic," says the writer.
There are other problems to consider, too. A 27-year-old Delhi yoga teacher, who uses the social media app for professional purposes as well, says she is often faced with clients who eventually want more. "So this guy and I stared talking and, despite apprehensions, I let my guard down, because you see their profile, and think you know all about them. Soon enough though, post 10 pm every day, he would start sending risqué messages. Sexting, basically," she tells us. But since she did develop feelings for the boy in question, she continued talking, till she found out there was a girlfriend. "Well then, things went the regular way. He said he would call me from a new number, and then blocked me. It seemed his girlfriend had checked his phone. The problem is that you think because you see them posting 'genuine' snippets from their life, you realise most people fake their life on social media."
Janvi Morzaria and Rohan Mehta met on Instagram in early 2016, and tied the knot in January this year
A gay media professional we spoke to pointed out the problem with Instagram transforming into a quasi-dating site. "I casually complimented someone the other day saying 'you are looking handsome', and now he's being awkward with me as he already has a boyfriend. But I didn't mean it like that [as a flirtatious compliment]! Now, like Tinder, everyone on Instagram thinks there is an agenda even behind an innocent remark." The 26-year-old though has gone on a couple of dates thanks to the site, and says it works purely because most people are more honest on their Instagram profiles than on Tinder.
Where there is honesty, there has to be one happy ending, right? We found one in the form of Janvi Morzaria and Rohan Mehta, who got married in January after knowing each other for two-and-a-half years. Where did they meet? Instagram. "I really wanted to go skiing in Gulmarg. And I was following someone who went there, and then went on a 'liking' spree. As it happens with Instagram, I kept liking all pictures taken in Gulmarg, and I liked Rohan's too," says the 29-year-old, who works with a tech company in Mumbai. He eventually followed her, and sent her what she says was a "warm and genuine" direct message, and she thought to herself, "Oh, he's cute". But it took a while before they decided to meet. "We would keep talking, even if we were travelling. I went to Vietnam, he went to the Philippines, and we would talk. I was apprehensive, also a bit closed off. But finally, I manned up and said, let's meet." Once they started dating, they went the whole way — living together and even adopting cats. It all culminated in a beautiful wedding five months ago that was marked by a post where Morzaria thanked Instagram for getting them together. "In retrospect, isn't it great I was only on Tinder for 30 seconds?" she laughs.
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