Valentine's Day 2024: Love gurus share tips to flirt like a pro and charm your special someone

Gone are the days when you sit by the window plucking the rose petals and doing the ‘they-love-me-they-love-me-not' trick. The process of finding out if your crush likes you or not can be consuming. Further, the mixed signals don't make the suffering any easier. Flirting for one, can be a way of finding out whether someone is into you or not.

It is a social behaviour that involves playful gestures, compliments and body language aimed at expressing romantic or playful interest in someone. It might not always indicate someone's serious interest towards you, but it can give you a lead on finding more.

You might think, it is easier said than done. You are right. For some of us, flirting can be a nightmare. Romance movies make flirting look like a piece of cake, but let's face it, it is hard.

Ruchi Ruuh (@therapywithruchi), a relationship counsellor shares, "Lack of confidence or low self-esteem often come in the way of people even trying their hands at flirting. People who fear flirting or find it hard might doubt their appeal or worry about how they'll be perceived."

"A lot of people also fear getting misjudged or misinterpreted in this playfulness and might fear crossing other person's boundaries. Some people don't want to give wrong signals or cause unintentional discomfort. Not everyone is natural at these light-hearted conversations and sometimes this is a result of past experiences which could have been negative," she says.

Although flirting can be challenging, Dr Mickey Mehta (@mickey_mehta), holistic health expert, says, "Flirting can be a healthy way of seeking attention, attracting people to spend time with you, impressing them, charming their hearts and seeking companionship. This partnership developed after flirting takes you on a different high and builds a bond that lays a strong foundation for a relationship."

Adding to this, Hitesh Chakraworty, relationship expert and coach, says, "Flirting establishes a connection, breaks the ice, and builds attraction. It creates a lighthearted atmosphere that can lead to deeper emotional connections, making it a crucial step towards dating."

With Valentine's Day 2024 just around the corner, Mid-day Online knocked on the doors of these love gurus to seek tips for all the love sicks who have been trying to flirt and charm their special someone.

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Flirting, besides using words, also involves non-verbal cues and signals. It enhances communication beyond words, helping create a shared understanding and connection between potential partners.

For some people, it can be a confidence booster as they might feel good about themselves for attracting a person or receiving compliments back. "Flirting sets a playful tone in the relationship where both individuals develop a special language for each other, making each interaction playful and memorable. Flirting romantically can create excitement and anticipation for what's to come in the relationship. These cues are important to gauge the compatibility of a partner concerning how the relationship is going to be," says Ruuh.

According to Chakraworty, flirting can include, playful teasing, smiling, complimenting, considering gentle touching of the arm, making eye contact, or causal banter.

Mehta says, "Genuine compliments about their appearance, personality or achievements can be a great start. It makes the other person feel valued and appreciated."

Here are some tips by Ruuh you can try
1. Compliments: Complimenting someone for their looks, behaviour or gestures can be a good start. Compliments are great and we all love feeling good about ourselves. Start by picking out one quality that you genuinely like about them. Say something nice like, 'This is a beautiful colour you are wearing', or 'I love your voice.'
2. Give a warm smile: A genuine, warm smile can change the tension between two people sitting across the room. This nonverbal cue is non-threatening and can give a signal of further conversation.
3. Mirroring: If you are already in conversation with them you will find yourself mirroring their words, mannerisms and gestures. One can do this intentionally too to show solidarity and interest.
4. Humour: Share a funny or witty remark to create a lighthearted atmosphere. Humour is a great way to connect. For example, "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes - cheesy, right?"
5. Curiosity: Express genuine curiosity by asking them interesting questions. Show them that you are interested in getting to know them. For example, if you are flirting online, ask them to share their views or thoughts on something about yourself or anything you might be discussing with them. You can also ask them questions about their life, likes, dislikes and interests.
6. Engage in light touch: A subtle touch on the arm during a conversation can convey warmth and interest. Keep it brief and do not repeat it if they are uncomfortable.
7. Flirtatious jokes: Share light-hearted, flirtatious jokes to create a playful vibe. Always be sure to use these correctly and stop if you think they don't like it.

When choosing non-verbal flirting, Ruuh says, "It can be in the form of a slight touch of arm or holding hands. Reducing the proximity between you both as the comfort increases can be a sign of flirting. Maintaining eye contact or a warm smile on your face while you talk can be a great example. The right time to make any of these moves can only be known by how comfortable they are feeling around you through their words and body language, so pay close attention."

Signs of reciprocation
Recognising if someone is welcoming your flirting involves paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues. Mehta says, "Look for signs of engagement, such as sustained eye contact, smiling, and active participation in the conversation. When the person smiles, listens, laughs, responds, comments, plays along, and asks you questions to keep the conversation going, they're likely comfortable and enjoying the interaction. Then you must know that yes, it's working."

"Positive body language, like facing towards you, leaning in, or subtle touches, can indicate interest. Additionally, being responsive to your messages or initiating contact themselves suggests a level of comfort," he adds.

Reading these signs of reciprocation is important as flirting can go wrong in various ways. "Overly aggressive advances or insensitive comments risk making the other person uncomfortable while ignoring personal space boundaries can be unsettling. Excessive compliments can show ingenuity. Moving too fast or disregarding the other person's boundaries, both physical and emotional, are significant missteps that can lead to discomfort," warns Ruuh.

Similarly, Chakraworty lists actions that can lead things downhill:

1. Coming on too strong
2. Using inappropriate or offensive language
3. Ignoring personal boundaries
4. Overusing pickup lines
5. Being insincere or fake

He also urges individuals to avoid making statements like:
1. "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day."
2. "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
3. "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears," and other similar statements.

According to Mehta, "Flirting can go wrong when it lacks sincerity, crosses personal boundaries, or becomes overly aggressive. Failing to respect their autonomy and personal space can create discomfort and push them away."

He shares a long list of things one must not do in the name of flirting:
1. Commenting on their appearance, and dressing sense, and using words like sexy, and hot can be off-putting. Not everybody appreciates that kind of approach. Further, never stare at them as this can cause them to feel conscious and uncomfortable.
2. Avoid inappropriate humour, bragging excessively, and discussing past relationships too early. Never criticize. Don't get into controversial discussions.
3. Pushing boundaries without reading cues may also have an undesirable result.
4. Lack of respect for the other person's feelings or repeatedly ignoring their signals can be off-putting.
5. Being too self-centred without showing genuine interest in the other person's thoughts or feelings can hinder connection.

It's crucial to navigate flirting with awareness, respect, and adaptability. It's crucial to find a balance, be mindful of the other person's comfort level, and avoid behaviours that might be perceived as insincere or manipulative, ensuring a respectful and enjoyable interaction.

Flirting for couples
For couples who have been dating or married for too long, it is natural for monotony to settle in. According to Ruuh, flirting keeps the romantic spark alive by infusing playfulness and excitement into the relationship, preventing it from becoming mundane.

"One can easily show their affection and ongoing interest in their partner by flirting with them. This enhances the emotional bond in the relationship. Sweet compliments can tell your partner that they are seen and heard. It lifts your partner's self-esteem and makes them feel good. It boosts intimacy in the relationship and keeps it playful and fun."

Similarly, Mehta says, "By sustaining the spirit of flirtation, couples can continually nurture their connection, ensuring a dynamic and fulfilling partnership. Flirting outside of bedrooms increases romance in closed rooms."

Flirting in couples can reduce stress and stressful situations by creating a positive atmosphere. Continual flirting helps renew and reinforce the attraction between partners, reminding them of the qualities that drew them together initially.

One must remember that flirting is most successful when it feels natural and genuine.