Ahead of Valentine’s Day, February 12 is celebrated as ‘Hug day’, reminding people of the simple yet most comforting act of hugging to express love to someone. To know what people feel about hugs in general, and especially amid the pandemic, Mid-day Online reached out to young adults in Mumbai who share their thoughts on small acts of intimacy
Image for representation: AFP
At the peak of Valentine’s week, when romance is surely in the air, a safe and reassuring hug from your partner is indeed one of the simplest ways to allay fears, calm your nerves, and warm up for the actual celebration of love on February 14. ‘Hug day’, observed just two days before Valentine’s Day, is yet another reminder to hug those close to you, not necessarily someone of romantic interest, and to feel no hesitation in looking for physical intimacy from them.
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Pallavi Barnwal, city-based sexuality researcher and intimacy coach, defines hugs as a “universal sign of love”. A single gesture of hugging your close ones can wordlessly communicate care, consolation, concern, joy, sadness, romance and much more.
“We hug during festivals and funerals alike. The gesture is accepted in both romantic and platonic love. It does not matter what the context is, receiving a hug from a loved one makes you feel much better, no matter how happy or sad it is,” she says.
It’s not just psychological, but also biological, as ‘oxytocin’ or the love hormone is the key to evoking the sense of comfort and peace. “The same hormone that plays a key role in the bonding of a mother and child is involved in the development of romantic attachments as well! So the next time you feel stressed or just want a pick-me-up, grab on to your loved one (if they are willing) and stay in their warm embrace for some time,” adds Barnwal.
Mid-day Online reached out to five youngsters from Mumbai, who opened up about how they have sought physical comfort during times of distress and why is it important to hug your friends, family and partners once in a while.
Snehanshu Shome, 25, founder of the blog rahagir.co.in
“I feel every form of intimacy is somehow related to things that we want from relationships. For me, hugging is a show of support. It provides the warmth we sometimes require just to feel safe and protected. It is an essential expression of love for me. Every time my partner and I have to leave for our work, or to go back to our places, we hug even for seconds if possible. It just reassures us we are there, as a comfort for each other.
In recent years, the need for physical intimacy has definitely evolved. Before the pandemic, a short hug would be common even in between friends. Now we are more scared, unsure and wary of physical contact with people. I feel people value intimacy now more than ever. I am unsure of when the world would change again and I might be stuck alone again. And that is why every moment I spend with my partner is valuable and we make sure we realise the worth of it.”
Darshi Shah, 23, development sector professional
“For me, hugging someone has always come very naturally in order to express my love, happiness, sadness or any emotion. Being a psychology student, I realised why that was the reason — because hugging releases oxytocin hormone which actually helps you to calm down and relieve stress. Another reason why hugs bring me comfort and solace is because of the proximity and how you can feel close to that person instantly upon hugging them. With the pandemic, I have tried finding different ways to express myself such as through emojis, through my eyes and tone. However, I would still never miss an opportunity to hug someone if possible. Probably the pandemic has just created innovative ways of expressing love and finding comfort but the inner desire for physical touch still is present somewhere.”
Hrushikesh Zanzote, 24, sales professional
“I feel hugging is one of the first acts of expressing love, something that’s very natural. We seek to feel the similar touch and emotions from our partner by hugging them. It’s one of the purest ways to feel each other’s state of mind, touch and peace. It also depends on whom we are hugging. Sometimes it’s general, but for me hugging my partner is something different with a unique vibe to it. I think it is the most effective way of communicating the love we share. During the lockdown, people were craving hugs and other small acts of physical intimacy. This genuine feeling is very rare and only occurs with people whom you find very comforting and understanding.”
Simran Galipothu, 26, communication specialist
“When a person needs reassurance — something that cannot be communicated with words in the moment — a hug might communicate those feelings. I find physical acts of affection like hugging, holding hands, forehead kiss very comforting. Despite this, I will not give a hug to just anyone, because you are letting that person into your personal space. There are different types of hugs, depending on the dynamics between two people or also their situations. For example, after a long day of work, I come home and hug my mom. When you are meeting someone new, you give a short side hug. My best friend and I have been friends for 23 years. However, only in the past few years have we started giving a hug. I guess it's also because I always knew that my best friend is always going to be there for me, therefore I didn't need the physical assurance in the form of a hug.
With Covid-19 in our lives, most of the battles were fought without any support and it was isolating. It urged people to seek intimacy. It also could be an act of solidarity in the face of loss. I remember coming home from the hospital after completing the last rites of my father, my elder sister, who had travelled from Hyderabad, gave me a hug when she met me. We held on to each other and cried together. It was the first act of physical affection I had received all day, a day when I needed it the most. It was comforting, cathartic and supportive.”
Urmi Mistry, 25, public relations manager
“Honestly, I’m a cuddler, be it cuddling a person or a blanket on a cozy day. That’s what relaxes my mind and calms me. The warmth you feel after hugging your loved ones, whether every day or days apart, makes you feel loved. Besides, who doesn’t love a good hug?
Being away from my friends especially during such tough times was hard because I was more of a social person. The pandemic, however, made me anxious and an introvert. For some people, it was very difficult being away from friends and family. For me, I became more attached to my family during that period and realised that they are just as important as your friends.”
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