'My wife is not interested in sex...'

I had an arranged marriage five months ago. My wife is caring and loving, but when it comes to matters of the bedroom she is just not interested in sex...

Dear Diana,
I had an arranged marriage five months ago. My wife is caring and loving, but when it comes to matters of the bedroom she is just not interested in sex. She does not like it and complains of pain. She lets go only when she feels that I appear dejected. How do I make her understand and enjoy our married life?
— Jayesh


Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Jayesh,
As yours is an arranged marriage, she's still not comfortable with you in bed. You'll did not fall in love and then decide to get married, so you are discovering each other post marriage. Give your wife time to bond with you. Be sensitive towards her feelings and don't force her into anything as she is likely to be put off. It might take her a while to enjoy it. She might be expecting a lot of care and understanding. So you will have to be patient and not hurt her as that might create more problems.

Dear Diana,
My brother-in-law is ruining our lives. He is older to my husband, but keeps turning to him for financial help. He does not hold a steady job and when he is around, he makes everyone listen to his sob stories. I can't bear to see my hubby always running to the rescue of him, his wife and two kids. When I tell my hubby about it, he gets angry. He just does not realise that he is being used. To add to it, his parents and sister keep telling him to look after him as he is better off than him.
— Malila

Dear Malila
You feel this way, but your husband does not. He is his brother and as they say blood is thicker than water. If you voice your opinion, you are likely to be picked upon. It is better to steer clear when it comes to him doing his brotherly duties. This might lead to marital discord. When he is in a good mood, you can explain to him what you feel about the scenario.

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