FYI flips through a new book to bring you a quick guide to nurture important relationships that might take a knock under professional pressures
FYIu00a0flips through a new book to bring you a quick guide to nurture important relationships that might take a knock under professional pressures
Whether we like it or not, there is no getting away from relationships. It is what we humans do at home, at work, in the gym, down at the pub, shopping, visiting the dentist we are always relating to others. But how do we know whether we're any good at relationships and what's the measure of success? How many friends do we have on Facebook, or the numbers on our mobile? Or, maybe we don't measure by quantity but by quality? Do we have people we could count on in a crisis? Who would be pleased to see us if we turned up at their door uninvited? The problem could be that we hardly ever try and measure our relationships, thinking instead about how our finances are doing or whether our diet is succeeding, feels author of Authentic Relationships from the Inside Out, Sarah Abell. That's why one needs to get real about their relationships. Are your friendships as
genuine or strong as you'd like them to be? FYI flipped through the book to give you some great advice on how to make those okay relationships absolutely brilliant.
Tuning in to others
The importance of listening: Really listening is one of the most powerful gesture we can do for someone. It helps us build connections and is vital for authentic relating. We need to set aside everything going on around us, and focus on the person speaking. When we listen like that, we are offering a gift of our time and our attention. There is an element of sacrifice on our part, and this will help you build a stronger connection.
Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say: When we communicate clearly, honestly and effectively, we are offering people a window through which they can see who we really are. For example, a warm smile conveys that we are friendly, open and warm. It also helps if we can keep hold of our sense of humour. If we don't take ourselves too seriously and have a good laugh, particularly at ourselves, we will find it a lot easier to diffuse or survive a heated debate.
There are times when you need to keep a lid on it: Sometimes, you need to stop yourself from saying things you don't really mean. Harsh and cruel words can and do hurt, as words have great power. We need to be sensitive to the people around us and to the situation we are in.
Knowing the you factor
What is pressing your buttons? Who or what makes you feel angry, fearful, hopeless, worried, annoyed, depressed or exhausted? Your buttons usually get pushed when your internal wiring has suffered damage during your childhood or while growing up, and your responses to people depend on that. If you can learn to recognise what exactly pushes those buttons, it will help you get rid of the hurt, in turn making you more honest about your reactions and to take responsibility for them.
Here's how you can thrive (not just survive) with your family
>>Keep in touch remember to celebrate big occasions and be there for them during the difficult times.
>>Show interest in their lives. Ask them about things that they care about.
>>Discuss expectations. Talk about things such as how often you expect to see each other, speak to each other.
>>Don't wait until someone is no longer around to patch up an old wound or misunderstanding do it now.
Don't wind up people the wrong way
>>Remember to say please, thank you and sorry.
>>Do yourself a favour and accept defeat with grace no one likes a poor loser.
>>Get out of the spotlight. You may think you're fascinating, but others don't agree.
>>If you're a couple, dial it down. No one wants to watch a couple getting, shall we say, overtly amorous in front of them.
How to be a great teamu00a0 member (for those who want to fit in)
Take your turn. If there are ten of you, this means contributing to about a tenth of the discussion. Extroverts you may need to button it a bit; introverts speak up.
Be the first. If you think the office plant needs water, the football nets need to be put up, the printer paper needs to be replaced be the first to do it, even if you don't think it's your job.
Encourage others. This one is simple. Everyone needs encouraging even the leader.
Don't be divisive. Strive on unity and don't be the one to stir up trouble.
Respect the leader. If the team has a leader, then respect their authority. If you can't deal, then it may not be the right time, or the right team for you.
To be the host with the most, just relax
Be yourself. Relax and don't try and pretend to be anything or anybody else.
Entertain with love. Even if you can't cook, try making an effort in the way you serve food. Think about your guests and what they would like to eat, drink and do while they are with you. Make sure nobody feels left out.
Share your best. Give them the best helping and be generous. Don't hog the most interesting people, leaving your other guests to cope with the bore you don't want to talk to.
And to be a perfect guest, just
>>Don't be fussy. If you don't like something, just take a small portion. Don't throw a tantrum.
>>Turn up on time and with something for the host if you are staying on for a meal.
>>Offer to lend a hand never outstay your welcome.
>>Always thank your host for meal.
Authentic Relationships from the Inside Outu00a0 has been published by Hachette and is available at bookstores for Rs 295
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