I have been happily married for the past five years. We are expecting our first child in March. Just last week, his brother announced that he has got a new job in our city and he and his wife will be shifting here

Thought of unwanted guests stressing me out

Dear Diana,
I have been happily married for the past five years. We are expecting our first child in March. Just last week, his brother announced that he has got a new job in our city and he and his wife will be shifting here.

They asked if they could stay with us till they get a house, but my husband insists that they should stay with us for the long run. The fact is, we sisters-in-law hate each other.

I am already stressed out about my pregnancy and I just cannot deal with the stress of having her here when I am going to deliver my child. I could understand if they were strapped financially, but my brother-in-law earns more than my husband, so I don't see the need for this largesse.

He also wants to get the house painted before their arrival, but I can't bear the smell of paint in my condition. I've tried explaining to my husband, but he just won't listen. What do I do?

Veena

Dear Veena,
If your husband is hell-bent on having them stay with you, the only choice you have is to go away to your mom's place for your delivery.

Women do go away to their maternal home for their first child. If you can't or don't want to leave your home, then make it very clear to him that you are in no state to help or take care of guests, and the 'guests' will have to fend for themselves.

Also make it clear thatu00a0 this might lead to fights with your sister-in-law, and cause unpleasantness at home. Also, in a conversation, I think you should discuss with your husband that with the baby at home, the expenses will go up by 60 per cent at least.

And you will need all the space and it will be difficult with two more people in the house. Ask him if the brother will share the household expenses, in the event he sticks to his guns. If they are going to stay there long time, if it's only fair they pay half the billsu00a0-- grocery, electricity, phones etc.

Better to sort all this out upfront. Get a letter from your doctor saying paint fumes are harmful for an expectant mother and a child or show him material on the web. That will take care of him wanting to make the house 'pretty' for the guests.u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0

First date jitters...

Dear Diana,
I met this girl through a matrimonial website and we will be meeting in person for the first time next week. I really like her and want her to like me too. What are the dos and don'ts I should follow on this first date?

Jagdish

Dear Jagdish,
Tell her all you can about yourself and ask her about her interests. Listen when she talks, and ask her relevant questions. You can follow this up with a phone call. Meet again after a few days. Don't crowd her. Tell her you like her and give her space to decided if she likes you too. Don't push her.u00a0

My best friend has no time for me...

Dear Diana,
My best friend who I love very much got a boyfriend and now I seem to have lost importance for her. She doesn't keep in touch, saying she is busy with her assignments but she has time to talk to him 100 times a day.
u00a0
Even when we meet she doesn't talk much. I have talked to her about this and she assured me that I am as important as before and that she won't forget me but she doesn't seem to practise it.

I feel like I am losing my best friend and there's a giant hole in my heart. I feel like a use-and-throw object she has no more need for. What do I do? Please help.

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
Is it possible that you are feeling a bit envious about your friend's new relationship status? Or a little possessive perhaps? It is a new relationship. It is normal for your friend to be lost in her own world for a while. Let her enjoy it.

She will return to being normal soon enough. It is normal for her world to revolve around her guy for now. All new lovers are like that. Don't take it personally.

Meanwhile, start doing stuff without her. If you keep nagging her about this, she will avoid you even more. Give her space. Don't call her all the time. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Be too busy to keep in touch. Let her miss you and she will call. Things will be normal again. Trust me.u00a0u00a0