A simple 'thank you' among couples can go a long way: Research

The findings of new research suggest that gratitude from ones partner may be a powerful tool for couples as it increases relationship satisfaction and commitment while protecting couples from the corrosive effects of ineffective arguing and financial stressIndividuals who feel appreciated by their partners have betterfunctioning relationships that are more resilient to internal and external stressors both in the moment when the appreciation is expressed and over the long term said researcher Allen W Barton a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois UrbanaChampaignOver a 15month period Bartons team examined the effects that expressed gratitude conveying appreciation to ones partner and perceived gratitude feeling valued and appreciated by ones partner had on the relationships of 316 African American couplesThis study was really motivated to understand gratitude in relationships and if it can protect couples from challenges and hardships be it negative communication or broader factors like financial strain Barton saidMuch of the prior research looked at the relational effects of expressing gratitude but one could make the argument that feeling appreciated by ones partner is important too And we tested both to see whether one was more influential for couple relationships than the other Barton saidThe majority of those in the study were middleaged and lived in small communities in rural Georgia While most of the participants were employed about 65 per cent of the couples had joint incomes that were less than 150 per cent of the federal poverty level and could be classified as working poor Barton saidThe total number of children residing with the participants ranged from one to eight averaging three The married couples had been together for about 10 years while the unmarried couples had been cohabiting for nearly seven years when the study beganPublished in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships the current study builds on a 2015 study Barton led that examined the effects of financial distress on marital quality That study published in the journal Personal Relationships considered only perceived gratitude and included predominantly white middleaged and more highly educated couplesIn the current study we wanted to examine the effects of both perceived and expressed gratitude and whether perceived gratitude works similarly with a different demographic population he said Over the 15month period the couples were surveyed three times about their arguing and conflict resolution their expressions of gratitude to their partner and their levels of perceived gratitude from their partner The participants also reported on their current levels of financial strainRespondents rated their satisfaction with their relationship ranging from perfectly happy to very unhappy the relationships level of stability as measured by thoughts or discussions about breaking up and their confidence in their future together Respondents completed the surveys again eight and 15 months after the initial assessment so the team could measure the effects of both forms of gratitude over timeOur main hypothesis was that perceived gratitude from ones partner would have what we call stressbuffering effects that it would protect couples from the declines in relationship quality that typically happen when you have negative communication or when you have higher levels of financial strain Barton said Expressed gratitude really hadnt been looked at before so we had no hypotheses with it our work was more exploratoryIndividuals in the sample with higher levels of expressed and perceived gratitude were more satisfied with their relationship the team found These individuals had greater confidence in its future and reported less instability such as discussions or thoughts about breaking upWhen the team looked at protective effects they found that higher levels of perceived gratitude buffered against the stresses of both financial strain and ineffective arguing and these couples did not exhibit as strong of declines in relationship satisfaction or confidence or the increases in instability that we typically see with these types of stressors Barton saidEven if the couples negative communication increased provided they still felt appreciated by their partner their relationship quality did not decline as much over time he said That becomes really important because not every couple is going to be great at communication particularly when things get heated or intense or hit a home run with resolving conflictsThe protective effect of perceived gratitude applied both in the moment when the respondent felt appreciated by their partner and across time Barton said No protective effects were observed for high levels of expressed gratitude however While there is no single surefire way of making ones partner feels appreciated Barton suggested Be sure to make compliments that are sincere and genuine And ask your partner if there are any areas in which they feel their efforts arent being appreciated or acknowledged and start expressing appreciation for thoseAlso read Transgender Awareness Month Dating as a gender queer person in India