Signs you are ready to commit

Matters of the heart are never easy This is especially the case when one has to decide whether to sign up for a serious relationship and promise a lifelong commitment to someone they dearly love or to tread on the path of casual relationships Many of us often find ourselves in this dilemma On Valentinersquos Day 2024 Midday Online conversed with relationship pundits who helped us navigate through this rocky pathldquoMany young adults today are opting for casual dating and situationships This is mostly due to the fear of commitmentrdquo says Rhea Joseph psychiatric social worker and couple therapist Cadabams HospitalCasual dating enables one to enjoy the perks of companionship while also not having to mix personal life with dating life However deciding to commit to a person in the hope of spending your life together requires much serious thoughtNiyatii Shah relationship expert intimacy coach founder and president of Averti Education and Council of sex educators for Social Change says ldquoDetermining readiness for a serious relationship involves recognising various signs that indicate emotional and personal preparednessrdquoBoth Joseph and Shah dive into the complexities of having to choose between a serious and casual relationshipWhy many young individuals are opting for casual datingAccording to Joseph the fear of commitment emotional attachment and being unsure of whether they want a fixed partner or not often causes people to opt for casual dating Such individuals often are unwilling to take on responsibilities that come with a serious relationship Some also fear that their Insecurities from the past relationship or feelings of inadequacy might just ruin the next relationship they choose to enterShah lists down other common reasons behind going for casual datingPriotising personal growth Some folks are focused on becoming the best version of themselves They have personal goals and priorities and that often leads them to choose casual dating instead of something serious Further if youre really into your job and working hard to build your career casual dating might be more appealing It offers flexibility for those with demanding professional livesWanting freedom Some people value their freedom They like casual connections because there is less pressure and no need for a big commitmentExploring new experiences Nowadays its common to want to explore different kinds of relationships Casual dating allows people to meet lots of different folks and see what they likeOnline connections With dating apps and social media casual interactions have become normal Its easier for people to engage in less serious relationships onlineFeeling Pressured Some people feel pressured by societys expectations especially around things like getting married They might choose casual dating because its not as seriousTrouble expressing feelings Some people find it hard to talk about their feelings Casual dating with less emotional intensity might feel more comfortable for themShould you jump into a serious relationship after a breakupShah opines ldquoIt is not wise at all to jump into a serious relationship after or when going through a breakup The serious relationship you had must have impacted every aspect of your life When one is in a committed relationship one starts making plans together and their future becomes this shared vision Family and friends get involved theres emotional investment and one finds comfort in being dependent on each other Its like building this cosy safe space together So when a breakup happens its not just a relationship ending its like a little earthquake shaking up onersquos entire life This leads to one finding comfort elsewhererdquoJoseph adds ldquoIndividuals are vulnerable post break up and they want to cope with the situation by replacing with another person They are not in the mental state to initiate and nurture a new relationship There are also chances for them to get into a relationship with abusive partners or to be with the wrong matchesrdquoBoth the experts recommend taking time to heal instead of moving onto the next relationship and complicating things even furtherWhat signs indicate you are not ready for a serious relationshipJoseph states ldquoBeing ready for a serious relationship involves emotional maturity clear communication skills and a sense of selfawareness Some common signs that tell you you are ready to leap include a willingness to compromise handle conflicts constructively and have realistic expectationsrdquoHere are some signs according to Shah that indicate you are ready for a serious relationshipEmotional stability Its crucial to feel secure in yourself emotionally If you can handle the ups and downs of life without relying solely on a relationship for stability thats a good sign Clear priorities Knowing what matters most in your life like career goals personal growth and values suggests youre ready for a serious relationship This clarity helps you align with a potential partner Communication skills Being able to talk effectively is key to a healthy relationship Expressing your feelings actively listening and handling conflicts positively show that youre readyIndependence Feeling comfortable and happy on your own indicates readiness Youre not seeking a relationship to fill a gap instead you want it to add value to your life Learning from past relationships If youve learned from past relationships and can identify things to adjust youre in a good position for a serious commitmentCapacity for compromise Being willing to compromise without giving up your core values shows maturity and readiness for the giveandtake in serious relationships Stable selfesteem Having healthy selfesteem sets a secure foundation for a relationship When you value and respect yourself its more likely to attract and sustain a healthy connectionReady to be vulnerable Serious relationships need openness If you can share your thoughts express your needs and understand your partners feelings it shows youre ready Longterm vision Being open to a future and the idea of a longterm commitment is a big sign that youre ready for a serious relationshipGenuine interest in your partner If you genuinely enjoy getting to know others and care about their wellbeing its a positive sign that youre ready to invest time and effort into a meaningful relationshipHow to know if you want a casual or serious relationshipJoseph states that when deciding on what kind of relationship you want it is of utmost importance to weigh in your options Think about the pros and cons of each kind of relationship Understand how your decision to go ahead with either a casual relationship or a serious relationship can change your lifeHere are some factors Shah recommends considering when deciding whether to opt for a casual or serious unionKnow yourself Take time to understand what you want and whats important to you in a relationship Think about your own goals and feelingsTalk about it Have an open and honest conversation with your potential partner Make sure you both understand each others expectations Consider timing Think about where you are in life Ask yourself do you have the time and emotional energy for a serious commitment right nowCheck compatibility See if you and your potential partner share similar longterm goals values and lifestyles Being compatible is key to a successful relationshipReflect on your feelings Pay attention to your emotions If youre looking for a deep longterm connection a serious relationship might be right If you want more flexibility a casual relationship could be a better fitGet advice Talk to friends or mentors who know you well They might offer helpful insights and perspectivesBe realistic Be honest with yourself about how much you can commit emotionally Consider what you can realistically give to a relationship right nowHow can wrong dating decisions have a negative effectRushing into a relationship only to fill a void in life can hurt your as well as the other personrsquos emotions If you dont take time to close the chapter on your previous relationship it can be hard to fully move on and be ready for a new partnerTheres a risk of comparing your new relationship to the old one This can create unrealistic expectations and make it tough for a healthy connection to growFurther if the new relationship moves too fast theres a chance of unintentionally hurting your new partner or yourself because of lingering emotions from the pastInstead of giving yourself the time needed to heal and take care of yourself diving into a new relationship right away might delay the emotional recovery that comes after a breakupHow must those not ready for anything serious ensure they donrsquot hurt someone they are involved withGiving mixed signals to someone who holds feelings for you can lead to them going through emotional turmoil If you are uncertain about having a serious relationship with someone you are seeing or have plans to date them Joseph says it is essential to have clear communicationldquoCommunicate what you are looking for and what you can provide to the partner Do not give mixed signals that sometimes you are serious about the relationship and sometimes consider it to be casual If the other partner expresses an interest to change it to a serious relationship express your unwillingness and terminate the relationship instead of providing hoperdquoShah jots down a list of things you must not do if you plan on keeping things casualDonrsquot give false hope Avoid making promises or statements that may imply a future commitment if youre not ready for one Be honest about your intentions Donrsquot withhold communication Ignoring messages or creating distance without explanation can be hurtful Keep open lines of communication and if you need space communicate it respectfully Donrsquot avoid defining the relationship If the other person seeks clarity about the nature of your connection dont dodge the conversation Be honest about your current stance on relationshipsDonrsquot engage in intimacy without communication Make sure youre on the same page regarding the level of emotional involvement before engaging in intimate activitiesDonrsquot dismiss their feelings If the other person expresses their emotions or desires for a more serious commitment be empathetic and respectful Dismissing their feelings can lead to emotional hurt Donrsquot use them as a placeholder Dont keep someone around simply for companionship or attention if you know youre not ready for a serious relationship Its not fair to either partyDonrsquot delay breaking up If you realise the relationship is causing more harm due to your lack of readiness dont delay ending it Continuing when youre not ready can lead to prolonged emotional distress for both individualsIf you find yourself not ready for either a serious or casual relationship but still crave a sense of belonging and attention there are healthy ways to cope with these feelingsFocus on building strong connections with friends and family these relationships can provide a sense of belonging and support without the romantic commitmentEngage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and allow you to meet new people casually Explore social groups clubs or communities where you can connect with others on shared interestsAdditionally practice selflove and selfcare to boost your confidence and reduce the need for external validation Remember its okay to prioritise personal growth and fulfilment while navigating your emotional needs without rushing into a relationship