Sapna Bhavnani has a salon, Mad O Wot in Bandra (W)
7:30 am
Day 7
An ABSOLUTLY clear morning.
Most of my human years were spent asking useless questions like "What is happiness?", "Where am I going?", 
"Who am I?", "Where do I come from?": questions any open-minded human is conditioned to ask. Words like "ZEN" "NIRVANA" are used intellectually in any conversation in an attempt to sound intellectual. Everyone has a point of view but no point. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...
It is only in Coorg that all my questions were answered. On Day 5 of my road trip appropriately titled Yenge? (Where?), I was cruising to Coorg from Mangalore. A beautiful palm-tree-paddy-field journey with an occasional bump to remind you to keep your eyes on the road instead of the damn plantation.
About 30 km away from my destination, I stumbled upon a roadblock. I stopped, pissed off. Not at the roadblock but at the cartoons standing around the road demonstrating some sort of authority. "Madam today is Bandh... India Bandh... you don't know?" "No I don't. I have been on the road driving and need to get to Coorg before the sun sets."
"Madam this road will not open till 4 pm. You will have to wait with the rest of the peoples," he said, pointing to a sea of cars parked to the side in frustration. "Hmmmmmm... what... are you crazy?" "Madam watch your mouth... we are XYZ party and you are not even Indian... go back to your country if you are gonna act smart." "yo I am not a foreigner...," said I, in my best Hindi. "What are you then? Are you Hindu? Are you Muslim? Are you Christian? What are you?" (Oh no... the intellectual questions had followed me) "What does it matter? And why are you shutting down the road for no reason... you are stupid...," said I, with authority. "Did you just call us stttuupi? Who do you think you are, this is for the nation... we must be together... democracy madam... have you heard of it?" I could only think of "democrAZY."u00a0
I reversed the car a little and pulled over to the side with the rest of the frustrated masses. I was angry. I lit up a smoke and stood outside in an effort to chimney some steam. It took them five minutes to completely surround me. "Yeh hai Bharatiya Nari... dekho dekho.... baal dekho... cigarette dekho... hamara desh ka mu kala... aisee auratein?" I ignored them. An art I have mastered by being stared at all my life. They didn't stop. The head of the circus came up to my face and started his talking "You called us stupid... you have ID? Some YMUMTV pass? You work for them don't you?" This just answered one of my many intellectual questions; what is the difference between important and impotent?u00a0 Apparently none! "YmumTV eh? Ha ha ha ha." (Note to self: Even XYZ people in the south relate YmumTV with stupid.)
The bugger got more irritated by the laughter. "Madam this is no laughing matter... we are XYZ... XYZ..."
I put on my headphones and went back to ignoring them. They left after 15 minutes of staring.
Day 5 ended at a beautiful home stay 8 km from Madikeri.
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8:30 am
Day 6
I drank the whole flask of coffee and spent the early half of the day exploring the hillside and working on my travel journal. An art I have become an expert on. Post lunch I put on my "Singh Is King" outfit (taken for safety measures only) and took my bottle of ABSOLUT vodka and proceeded to the hosts' house.u00a0 They had guests from outta town who were delighted to see "The King" armed with a full big bottle of vodka. "Let's drink, shall we Madam," said Carson. "But of course! Let's let's." I poured the first round and then the second and then the third and then the fourth. In ten minutes Carson and the blonde King were drunk.u00a0
"You know Madam, in Coorg we have no religion. At weddings we don't have pooja and pundit or priest or yanything of that sort. We place the garland and we are married. I think this nonsense of religion is stupid." "Carry on... I like where this conversation is going..." He did. "So I came up with the perfect solution Madam... a mix of all religions put together and simply called Mundu X... the X for the added pizzazz..." I liked this man. Apparently he liked me too cuz he wanted to take me home and leave his wife behind.
Needless to say both the MUNDU X finished three fourths of that bottle in two hours and rode their makeshift horses back home.
"I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say." - Ronnie Shakes
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