And then there were five

Both of Agatha Christies detectives looked at each other and replied in unison, "No weve never worked on a case together."

Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, Inspector Clouseau and Nancy Drew, whooshed into town.

"Uhm hello, gentlemen and uhm ladies, what exactly are we all doing here?" Sherlock asked.

"I was summoned here this morning, Monsieur, rather abruptly, while eating my two boiled eggs," Poirot said.

"So uhm… Mr Poirot, and Miss Marple, I always wanted to ask uhm, did you two ever, you know… 'get it on'... uhm ... 'do it'?" Nancy Drew asked naughtily.

Both of Agatha Christies' detectives looked at each other and replied in unison, "No we've never worked on a case together."

"Uhm that's not what I meant," Nancy said, disappointed.

"But are we going to work on the same case? Who hired you, Hercule?" Jane Marple asked.

"I was Whatsapped by an anonymous caller, who asked me to go to the late Sushant Singh Rajput's house and do some investigations—interview the liftman, the cable guy, the MTNL person, the carpenter, the locksmith, the food delivery chap, the electrician, the bread man, the sabzi walla. Do they know anything? I've been asked to scrutinise all the electrical fittings, to check for any foul play, these little grey calls will be working overtime, with so many suspects!"

"But, it's a clear case of suicide," Nancy said.

"Ahhaha young lady. This is why you are so experienced and I am the great Hercule Poirot. Nothing is what is seems."

Nancy rolled her eyes upwards. "Whatever, Imma bounce," she drawled.

"I'm Inspector Clouseau," the French policemen said, extending his hand.

"'Imma bounce' means 'I'm leaving', off to meet Rhea, see how she's doing, also to check with Alia, Tapsee, Deepika about why they're not speaking up in support of her."

"So, Inspector Clouseau, what does your case involve?" asked Miss Marple.

Clouseau said, "I've been hired to crack an unusual case and to act in the movie version."

"Oh wow, they're already making an OTT film, what's it called?"

"The Return of The Pink Peacock!" Clouseau informed.

"Nice, Amazon Prime or Netflix?"

"Disney—Hotstar! Apparently, there is a peacock, a pink peacock that began its journey in Gujarat and is now wandering all over India, people stop to feed it and they get rich immediately!"

Poirot said, "I have surmised that we aren't here for the same reason, we each have different clients."

"So who hired you Sherlock?" Miss Marple asked.

Sherlock looked at his fellow sleuths and said, "No one. I came here to try and understand, life's biggest mystery: how can a country where the GDP has slumped by 23.9 per cent, plus there is a little invisible virus running rampant, focus only on the suicide of an actor?"

"And finally, you Miss Marple, what's your task?" Sherlock asked.

Miss Marple said, "To find out why PubG's been banned in India."

And with that she snapped her fingers. Suddenly in another whoosh, Iron Man, Deadpool, and Thanos appeared.

"What's up, Miss Marvel, sorry Miss Marple," Iron Man asked.

"Well Miss Marple, why do you need these superheroes when there is us, the greatest super detectives in the world?" Poirot said pompously.

"Well I don't see all the greatest detectives, here, bro, where's Byomkesh Baskshi?" Deadpool, observed sarcastically. "Tony Stark, help me understand how does banning a Chinese online video game app prevent the Chinese army from advancing on a country's border?" Miss Marple asked Iron Man. "Go stop them, boys."

And with that they flew away to Ladakh.

"Wow Miss Marple. That's impressive, who hired you?" Nancy Drew asked.

"Mr Rajnath Singh," Miss Marple concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

Keep scrolling to read more news

Catch up on all the latest Mumbai news, crime news, current affairs, and a complete guide from food to things to do and events across Mumbai. Also download the new mid-day Android and iOS apps to get latest updates.

Mid-Day is now on Telegram. Click here to join our channel (@middayinfomedialtd) and stay updated with the latest news

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!