Lobo Lobo in space

The doorbell rang in front of me stood an astronautldquoYes can I help yourdquoI enquired of the astronautThe astronaut began flailing his arms first gently then with a tad more fervourldquoUhm Irsquom sorry I donrsquot know what yoursquore saying Are you Neil Armstrong Buzz Aldrinrdquo I asked concernedThe flailing continued as the astronaut fell to the floor indicating quite clearly that he needed his helmet removedI pulled at the helmet which revealed a suffocating Lobo LoboldquoWot Dikuna men bloody canrsquot understand wot Irsquom saying oh wot I canrsquot breeed onyhelliptelling and telling you to help me remove dis dashed head tingrdquoldquoOkay calm down and tell me why are you wearing this What is it exactlyrdquoldquoIt is an astronautrsquos outfit you canrsquot see or what chhe Stitched by my own Myrtlehellipnice naldquoWhy Lobo Lobo are you dressed in it are you going to a fancy dress partyrdquoLobo Lobo announced firmly ldquoSee Bossie I am leading Mumbairsquos efforts to go to space All dese peepuls dat Bronson blighter dat udder fallow Tesla men aaahhhh Muska Elon and finally Mr Amazon wid his Blue Origin Jeff BecozrdquoldquoBezosrdquo I correctedldquoBecozhellip Bezoshellip same difference dey tink bezos dey have de moolah dey have all dese big big plans men Bronson wid his Galactic tingy he got dere fust no doubt it is a very proud achievement but I want to prove dat I can also build a space ship and go where no man has gone beforemdashlike Sunday mornings in de 1970s on Doordarshanwochyoucall dat programme ah Star Trek wid da big big eared chappiehellip wassisname yahellip Dr Speck hellipDr Shockhellip Dr Tik Tokhellip Dr Dockhellipdonrsquot tell mehellip aaah Spock yes Dr SpockrdquoldquoImpressive So has ISRO given you this contract to build a spaceship on the nationrsquos behalfrdquoldquoWhy should ISRO give me de contract Wot he has to do with dis missionrdquoldquoLobo LoboISRO Itrsquos the Indian Space Research Organisation they have to give the goaheadrdquoldquoAh dat ISROhellip no no I tought you meant de udder ISROhellip lsquoIgnatius Saldanharsquos Rock Orbitersrsquo Dey are Virarrsquos leading wedding band dey play all dose hits Birdy Dance Achy Breaky Heart and dey are socko popular for singing Bollywood Hits in KonkanimdashSee Mr Rahul dis is my private project nutting to do wid de nation it is totally to do wid our side Navi MumbairdquoldquoOkay whatrsquos the plan is the government paying yourdquoldquoSee men Bossie please to get your facts right Bronson and Becoz and Mr Muska are paying foe dere own projectsrdquoldquoHow do you intend to fund such an expensive propositionrdquoldquoOkay see my brudderinlaw Clyde Pimenta yoursquove heard of him deadly mechanic men he has a auto garage in Dahisar called Bonnet amp Clyde He built a Ferrari for dat actor Shakti Kapoor only using spare parts So hersquos making me a rocketmdashVSS Big MAMA Irsquom calling itrdquoldquoWhy are you calling the spaceship after your motherrdquoldquoNo no not mudder actually itrsquos my wife and sasinlawmdashMAMA stands for Myrtle Andrade Mabel Antao I am naming it after dem becoz dey sold all dere jewellery for de projectrdquoldquoRight So wherersquos the first voyage into space going to be tordquoldquoDikuna men you donrsquot understand I donrsquot want to go to de Moon or Mars or wachyoucall de smallest planet aaah Pluto see dis is my planmdashwe want to take Navi Mumbai peepuls by rocket to places no man here has been beforerdquoldquoSo where are these places Lobo Lobordquo ldquoArre simple Dikuna men dere is only one place dat peepuls from New Bombay have never been before in dere livesrdquoldquoAnd where is that Lobo LobordquoldquoArrey men where else but SoBo Sout Mumbairdquo he concludedRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom