The god of small and big deals

I have a habit of chatting up drivers If you want the inside track on anything talk to someonersquos driver They hear everything say nothing and eventually get rich writing a juicy memoir in which they spill other peoplersquos beansThe one I was talking to chauffeured a celebrity musician who he whispered was already late for his morningrsquos first appointment At my request he took me inside the singerrsquos mansion where an extraordinary sight greeted meAbout 50 people including three generations of the singerrsquos family and their domestic staff were attending a fullfledged religious ceremony Bells rang flames leaped out of an industrialstrength havan while Vedic priests intoned shlokas in harmonyAs it ended a tray with rings was produced and the priest carefully picked two for the singer to wear that day The stones jade and chrysoberyl were apparently auspicious for him that dayldquoIs it a special dayrdquo I asked the driverldquoNordquo he said ldquoThey do this every dayrdquoIn the car with the singer later I found the audacity to ask him about the ring ceremony ldquoWhy so much fuss over ringsrdquoThe superstar looked away whether in shame or guilt I could not say Then he said ldquoThe wealthier one is the more afraid one becomesrdquoYoursquove surely noticed it The richer one is the more often one goes to Tirupati Nothing brings out that streak of devout godliness than a bankfull of illgotten wealth Faith doesnrsquot matter Whether yoursquore Hindu Muslim Jewish or Christian when your coffers begin bulging your attention turn to God Therersquos nothing quite as motivating as fear of losing it all to make a man abandon science and logic and start believing in spells spooks demons hexes and superstitionsJ Pierpont Morgan founder of the capitalist icon J P Morgan famously said ldquoMillionaires donrsquot use astrologers billionaires dordquo He himself relied heavily on Evangeline Adams his personal astrologer who regularly briefed him on how Mars Jupiter Saturn etcetera would affect the stock marketWealth makes you behave oddly If unbearably rich you will add as many vowels to your name as advised by your personal numerologist who must also approve your Teslarsquos number plate and your bank account number If you merely want to be a billionaire your place will be in the line of the devout at Tirupati where the almighty is always open for businessIn 2018 35 per cent of Thailandrsquos babies were born by Caesarian section so that their time of birth could be precisely matched with an auspicious date and time that ldquowould be good for businessrdquo If the country is India then your personal Vastu consultant holds all the cards Even the Ambanis reportedly never refer to their 27storey multibillion eyesore Antilla as their home after it was declared woefully deficient vastuwiseThe Big B is said to sometimes wear two blue sapphire rings and a Colombian emerald a combo apparently deemed lucky for him by his Vedic astrologer Chandrashekar SwamiCricketer M S Dhoni is supposedly quietly obsessed with the number 7 Itrsquos the number on his jersey itrsquos when he signs deals On days he doesnrsquot shave he has a 7 orsquoclock shadow not a 5You could ask why so much fear comes with so much fortune and to me the answer seems obvious Itrsquos only when you possess something you secretly feel you didnrsquot earn fair and square that you worry about losing it in equally mysterious ways If you were like Henry Ford who declared total bankruptcy twice in his life and earned it all back again or our own J R D Tata yoursquod know that yoursquore rich because you earned every penny and could do it again And again You donrsquot need a personal astrologercumnumerologistYou know yoursquore not particularly wise or talentedmdashas the average billionaire must knowmdashthen it must be God who made you rich And He that giveth can equally takethIn India as in capitalist America God is regarded as always being open to a little hustle or two Promise him a temple or a hospital for the poor and downtrodden and he may look upon your enterprise more favourablymdashor look away while you do a shady dealEven in Thailand where I live Buddhists game their heavenly deities by ldquomaking meritrdquomdashtry to earn karma brownie pointsmdashby feeding monks stray cats and soi dogs and stranded tourists Helps secure a decent afterlife you knowLuckily for me Irsquove never in my life hit even a single crore in my savings Nor have I ever made the blessed trip to Tirupati People look at me strangely and wonder if I am atheist or infidel but I smile kindly and tell them the truthldquoIrsquove always believed in Godmdashbut I donrsquot think God believes in merdquoHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper