A match made in heaven

Shobha was draped in a whiteandgold silk South Indian saree The jasmine in her hair filled the room with its fragrance and her jewellery sparkled like the sun Her groom Chandappa complemented her in his whiteandgold shirt and panche lungi However Shobha and Chandappa have been dead for 30 years That didnrsquot stop their families from solemnising their wedding on July 28 in the Dakhshina Kannada district in Tulu NaduJayanthi Kulal a 60yearold resident of Karnataka lost her daughter Shobha 28 years ago barely 25 days after she was born In the course of time had she lived Jayanthi would have had the pleasure of seeing Shobha married As per the ancient Tulu tradition of Pretha Kalayanam two departed souls can be joined in matrimony in the Aati month of theTulu calendar July or AugustldquoAt 28 my daughter would have been of marriageable agerdquo says Jayanthi ldquoWe discussed it with the elders of the family and after reaching an agreement started looking for a groom Now that shersquos married we feel she is happy and at peace We are also at peace now that we have fulfilled our duty We no longer have nightmares we are sure she is happy on the other siderdquo In Tulu households therersquos a deeply held belief that if a family is going through a hard time it is an indication that a dead relative or child is not happy in the other worldPretha Kalayanam performed for Shobha and Chandappa who died three decades agoArun Kumar Moolya a software engineer from Karnataka helped translate Jayanthirsquos comments for us The 36yearold attended his cousin Shobharsquos wedding and tweeted about it The thread has garnered over 40000 likes and 15000 retweets Moolya is also a YouTuber who documents his motorbike expeditions around the country ldquoAs per Tulu tradition these ceremonies are marriages of souls that can take place on Amavasyardquo he says ldquoNormal functions such weddings and celebrations are not held in this month only the vows of the dead are solemnisedmdashof those who departed at birth or as children Unmarried people and children are not allowed to attend these functionsrdquoAs with any matrimonial tie gotras are checked castes are matched socioeconomic levels are considered astrological charts checked for compatibility before the dead can embark on their happy ever afterlife ldquoMy mother told me of an instance where a bride was rejected because she was older than the groomrdquo says Moolay Believers say the unusual tradition has a facet of healing ldquoIt is an oral folk tradition which became a ritual that served as a salve for grieving parents and family membersrdquo says Dayanand Kathalsar Tulu Sahitya Academy president It provides closureThe rituals can be cathartic Jayanthi pounded and made mehendi for Shobha on July 28 and applied it on the betel leaves kept on a chair to symbolise the bride At 5 pm the wedding procession left the house bearing gifts and adornments for the groom Chandappa A large thaal with the nuptial saree hair extentions adorned with flowers a mangalsutra among other ornaments represent Shobha Before entering the groomrsquos house married women from both families formed two queues and exchanged kumkuma perfume and holy water Chandapparsquos sister then took the ldquobridersquos handrdquo by holding a corner of the saree and led her into the home for the ceremony to begin ldquoAfter this they lsquogaversquo Shobha another saree blouse jewellery and flowers They also carried the groomrsquos headgear the lungi shirt and jewellery on a similar plateThe bride and groom represented by the giftladen thaalis sat on chairs and the rituals began They took three circumambulations of the oil lamp and the bridersquos side performed kanyadaan symbolising that Shobha now belonged to Chandapparsquos family and her wellness was their responsibility explains Moolya Food is served gifts are exchanged and the families become relatives for life Here on they will include each other in their ceremonies and ritualsldquoBut the bride doesnrsquot go to live with the groom after the ceremonyrdquo says Moolya ldquoShe comes back to her husbandrsquos house after a couple of days and makes annual visits to her motherrsquos house in the Aati month of every yearrdquo Unlike South Indian weddings that take place in the morning soul unions take place at godhooli bela dusk according to a muhurat predecided by priestsldquoLegend holds that there was once a family where the elder daughter died youngrdquo says Kathalsar ldquoWhen the time came for her siblings to get hitched they began pining for their sister hoping she could be present at the celebrations They imagined her helping the bride or groom dress up and play her part in the ritualsrdquoThis pining says Kathalsar ran so deep that the younger sister started behaving as the dead elder sister She told her family that marriage would make her happy ldquoSeeing this as a manifestation of the subconscious mind the healers of the time considered the wedding ritual to be a healing process for the family that would help them move on This became a tradition Kathalsarrsquos own family performed the wedding of his dead maternal aunt 10 years ago ldquoThe tradition has been kept alive for thousands of yearsrdquo he says