In search for the right second home

It was when she turned 13 that the Bal Asha Trust got involved with the case of an orphaned girl child Under the care of another orphanage at the time the Trustrsquos team got to know her at an event Once the legal formalities to take over her care were finished the child was declared free for adoptionldquoThe couple who approached us was very selfawarerdquo says Sunil Arora executive director at Bal Asha Trust ldquoThey came to us with the firm stand that they wanted to adopt an older child because they were in their early 40s Adopting a younger child would have meant that theyrsquod be in their 60s by the time the child approached its teenage yearsrdquoSavita Nagpurkar Programme Coordinator Adoption at Indian Association for Promotion of Adoption and Child Welfare emphasises the need for extensive pre and postadoption counsellingFor the next month the couple interacted with the child having lengthy conversations and even helping her with her studies before finally meeting her at the Trustrsquos orphanage They got along very well and today against all expectations the 15yearold girl is cited as an example of a successful adoptionLate last month the Bombay High Court annulled the adoption of a threeyearold boy after his parents could not ldquobondrdquo with him due to ldquobehavioural issuesrdquo In the course of the hearing of the affidavit it emerged that the Ghaziabadbased couple who adopted the child in August 2023 had not made enough effort to treat the child as their own The couple already has a sixyearold daughter and complained about the adoptive sonrsquos unruly eating habits but did not take remedial measures to address themThe child is now back in Bal Asharsquos caremdashthe place where he was first adopted from Arora declined to comment on this specific case as he did not want to draw any more attention to the child instead prioritising the threeyearoldrsquos wellbeing ldquoWhat I can tell yourdquo he says ldquois that this is the first time we have seen such a caserdquoThe fate of the young child has sparked off a conversation among those who work towards the adoption of childrenmdashincluding counsellors NGO workers and lawyers Their main concerns are twofold Firstly they are worried that one failed case may paint a wrong picture of the already challenging process of adoption in India Secondly there is a lack of discourse about the psychological impact of being rejected by onersquos adoptive parentsAdvocate Suresh ChandrashekharldquoThe immediate consequencerdquo says Riddhi Gada an advocate who works on adoption cases ldquois the severe lack of trust that a child may develop We need to remember that these children come from difficult backgrounds in the first place This includes abandonment and other such experiences that have already shaped the childrsquos view of the world Hence they will perceive an incident like this as rejection As a result they are instinctively more guarded the next time a family expresses an interest in adopting themrdquoThe direct result of this she adds is that the second adoption could be rougher than the first for both parties The child may never find an ideal home ldquoEventually the child just gives up grows up while staying in the system and finds its place in the worldrdquo The adoption of children in the care of the government is overseen by the Central Adoption Resource Authority CARA According to CARArsquos annual report for the financial year 20222023 a total of 3010 orphaned abandoned or surrendered children were adopted within India while 431 were adopted by foreign nationalsldquoAdoption under the law necessitates adherence to prescribed procedures to ensure its validity Requirements include the absence of living descendants compliance with age differentials for adopting male and female children and the involvement of biological parents or guardians in the adoption processrdquo says senior advocate Suresh ChandrashekharHe adds that the Act places great importance on the rights of the child as well as the duties of the parents ldquoUpon adoption the Act orchestrates a seamless transition of rights and obligations with the adopted child assuming the status of a biological offspring Simultaneously adoptive parents inherit the mantle of parental responsibilities The Act meticulously imposes conditions such as the prohibition of incestuous relationships and the delineation of property rights striking a balance between familial bonds and legal responsibilitiesrdquo he saysAnd in order to ensure that the parents are as prepared as the children are both parties undergo extensive pre and postadoption counselling ldquoWith the child we start very slowly and delicatelyrdquo says Savita Nagpurkar Programme Coordinator Adoption at the Indian Association for Promotion of Adoption and Child Welfare IAPA ldquoEspecially with the younger ones who are used to being attended to by the ayaahs here And this goes beyond just the eyes and ears they associate the touch of the ayaah with safety and we need to prepare them for the fact that this touch is going to be replaced with someone elsersquosrdquoThe same touch Nagpurkar says also plays a vital role in cases of failed adoptions ldquoThey need to be held to be reassured that it is not the end of the world They develop a lot of distrust and depression in this phase and counselling plays a vital role here The CARArsquos procedures have provisions for every scenario but they need to be followed to the T in order for a successful and healthy adoptionrdquoFor several days before the adoption is finalised the child is familiarised with the idea that a mother is someone who loves them as much as the ayaah or other staff at the orphanage would Then the child is shown pictures of the prospective parents and is allowed time to be comfortable with the idea Only then are the parents allowed to meet the childMeanwhile the parents are acquainted with the sudden rush of the new responsibilities that they will be facing Regular sessions are also held after the adoption is complete to handhold the parents and the child through the transition At a recent meeting of 20 families who have adopted children through the IAPA over the last five to six years the father of a fiveyearold girl recalled how it took one and a half year for his nowdaughter to become comfortable around him It was only due to sustained pre and postadoption counselling that they as a family were able to tide over the initial difficult phaseldquoAt the end of the dayrdquo says Arora ldquoit depends on a lot of factors the child the parents the background the circumstances I have seen second adoptions turn into beautiful successes and there have been first adoptions that did not go very well But if the latter occurs at least you have a lot more information to study and act in accordance with And this is where counselling comes inrdquoHe is confident that the child who recently returned to Bal Asha too will find the right family ldquoThere will be parents who will be unwilling to adopt a child with six fingersrdquo he says ldquoAnd then there will be that one couple that calls the baby their Hrithik Roshanrdquo