Maa in the mirror

Does a woman’s relationship with clothes, her idea of fashion, change when she becomes a mother? Four designers dip into their wardrobe and memory to answer the question

Paromita Banerjee, 37, Kolkata’s defiant textile purist, wants to get one thing clear at the start of our telephonic interview: “As a mother, I want to look hot.” She says when she was carrying her first child in 2017, she didn’t buy any maternity clothes. “For most part, I found them [options] blah—weighty on the body, light on style. So, I basically shopped for a size larger than usual.” Banerjee is mother to three-and-a-half-year-old Ekantika. 

Last year, an Instagram post by actor Anushka Sharma, pregnant with her first child, wearing a crop top over a tie-dye dress, expressed: 

“Nothing is more real and humbling than experiencing the creation of life in you. When this is not in your control then really what is?”

Nishka Lulla Mehra styles the baby bump in a biker jacket and LBD

All mothers will agree that they lost power over multiple things as their bellies grew: sleep, the ability to see their feet with ease, pre-pregnancy waist and hips. In Banerjee’s case, she is no longer size XS nor does she fit into her favourite jeans. “But I finally have curves, and I love them.” Having said that, she confesses that when she fit into pre-birth tees and kurtas, it felt like she had found herself again.

A column that coincided with Mother’s Day was the perfect nudge to launch a conversation about these exhilarating, and occasionally unglamorous shifts in sartorial self-expression that are at the heart of motherhood. It’s not about trends or pleasing other people; it’s the special kind of light happiness you cling to when you see something and just know that it will flatter your new self.

“Becoming a mother is an identity shift, and one of the most significant physical and psychological changes I have experienced,” says Nishka Lulla Mehra

And Nishka Lulla Mehra, 35, will, naturally, do so in heels. She still loves fashion. But she thinks she no longer needs to dress up to show she is someone. The Mumbai designer who made a debut at 18, decided to take time off from work while pregnant with Miraya two years ago. “I wasn’t in that mental space but I continued styling South Indian actors Tamanna Bhatia, Shriya Saran and Kajal Aggarwal,” she says. 

Her current wardrobe is a clear shift from peppy pinks and prints, and shapes that sit close to the body. Today, she reaches out for softer hues and slouchy shapes. “With an interesting bustier maybe, and subtle embellishments,” she laughs. Clothes, she thinks, became the veneer masking her quiet self-discovery. “It was an identity shift,” Mehra admits sincerely, “and one of the most significant physical and psychological changes I have experienced.”

Zai with Sohaya Misra. “I wore body-hugging dresses throughout my pregnancy; gave me an excuse to show off my belly.”

“Shall I go on a diet?” is the ongoing conundrum for Sohaya Misra, 44, since she had Zai, now two years old. “I look at a body-hugging dress in a magazine, and I wonder, when can I wear one?” says the designer behind the label, Chola. Misra understands the dilemma. She would fit wonderfully into a pair of skinny jeans before she got pregnant. The Keto diet had worked. “For the first time, I had a flat tummy. And then the very next month I found out that I was pregnant.” It took unfiltered realisation, and lots of self-love and care, to accept a new mommy body. Focusing more on health and fitness required a significant mental shift. “I’m comfortable with the fact that I might not have a flat stomach; the stretch marks on my belly a reminder of the human being that grew inside me,” Misra ruminates. 

New York-based Alexander Sacks, MD, examined the idea of matresance, in an article for The New York Times. The term refers to the process of becoming a mother, with a focus on the woman’s identity transition rather than how the baby turns out. 

Karishma Shahani Khan (centre) took a post-show bow with son Zayn and IRL mothers in August 2016. At the show titled Navya, Khan also launched a range of compact baby carriers

“Motherhood grounded me,” says Karishma Shahani Khan, 34. The Pune-based designer encountered three milestone events in quick succession. She returned home from London College of Fashion in 2010, got married in 2011, and launched her label, Ka-Sha, in 2012. Before she could catch her breath, Khan learned that she was pregnant. This was one day before her show at Lakmé Fashion Week in March 2015. “It’s been an emotionally charged journey since,” she says. She continued to work through the pregnancy, proudly taking a post-show bow with a bump, and returning to her studio in 40 days after giving birth to Zayn. Her son, now six, accompanies her everywhere; work trips to Paris, Bangladesh and London, and fashion weeks. It’s a lifestyle choice that has invited more flak than praise. “When I walked down the runway with Zayn, who was three months old then, sleeping in a baby carrier bag strapped around me, I was accused of being a career woman, and not caring for the well-being of my child,” Khan says. Unfazed, she collaborated with Kol Kol Baby Carriers to launch a line of ergonomic buckle carriers in natural fabrics.

Being a mother translated to not only a more personalised relationship with her own wardrobe, but also how Khan approaches design now. To wit: Khan’s collection titled Navya, showcased in August 2016, was based on the simple idea of wonderment. Motherhood inspired her to have fun with designing while reinforcing a fresh intent with textiles  and textures, and bringing value to clothes. “But more importantly, I was able to explore design through the eyes of a mother, questioning clothes that are equal parts desire and function.”

While stuffy societal expectations do not spare the fathers, it’s the women who tautologically have to endure the guilt of being a busy working mom. “As mothers, our lives and choices, and relationships with ourselves are different. How can we then generalise what makes a good or bad mother? As designers, we speak of sustainability in fashion, but what about our mental sustainability?”    

Word of advice

. The first step is to put a stop to fretting over returning to pre-childbirth bodies. Instead, focus on your mental health.

. Consider your new relationship with clothes as experiences. Accept the shift, in terms of what you love, and what works for you.

. Yes, priorities change, but don’t use that as an excuse to make less of an effort. This should not read as: Add to Cart. Look inside your current wardrobe and curate a compact assortment of mix-and-match, reversible outfits that can accommodate multiple roles. Throw in shirt-dresses, capes, maxi dresses and structured jackets while you are at it. 

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