He is addicted to pornography

Illustration: Uday Mohite

I have a question about pornography and how it can distort someone's mind. My boyfriend watches so much of it that he starts to have unrealistic expectations from me when we have sex. I have asked him to get help, but he always promises and never does anything about it. If he continues, our relationship will end, but he will also have problems finding someone else. He doesn't seem to get this. What can I do to explain how serious this is?

An addiction to pornography can create all kinds of problems, not least of which are the unrealistic expectations you mention. If he refuses to get help, he isn't taking this relationship as seriously as he should, which is a problem. You're right about it affecting all other relationships he may get into, but I suggest you focus on yourself and think about your future with him. If he isn't going to change and doesn't even acknowledge the existence of a problem, it doesn't seem as if things are going to get better anytime soon. Have you tried giving him an ultimatum? That may be your last option.

I sometimes feel as if I have wasted my youth by not dating as many people as I should have. I am now in my mid-30s. Should I even bother trying to go on dates?

This depends entirely upon how you feel and what you want out of life. There is no rule that prevents 30-year-olds from dating as many people as they want to, of course, but you should do this only if you want to, not because you think you wasted your youth. Your priorities may have been different at the time, so why punish yourself for your own decisions? Dating can be challenging at any age, so I suggest you think about what you want out of it before choosing to go down that path. All you have to remember is that there is nothing to be afraid of.

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