Am I enabling his behaviour?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I sometimes wonder if I forgive my boyfriend for a lot of things. He says and does awful stuff very often and we have arguments that are often completely unnecessary, but I always allow him back into my life even though I know he is causing me harm. My friends believe his presence in my life is bad for my mental health, but I don't let that affect me even though I know it takes a toll. The problem is I love him a lot and always try to look beyond his faults to the person he is. We have been together for three years and I know he is a genuinely kind and caring person, but his behaviour can be erratic because he doesn't know how to control his emotions. I don't know if I should continue this relationship if things continue this way because there will come a point where I won't be able to take it anymore. Is there anything I can do to avoid that from happening?
It sounds as if you are taking on most of the work to save this relationship, which is primarily the problem because it absolves your boyfriend of all responsibility. You should not be with someone who is toxic or affects your mental health because that is critical for your well-being and the opposite of what a healthy relationship should do. If this isn't working, and you feel as if you are constantly being forced to forgive him for things he can and should be able to control, there isn't much of a future for you both. I suggest you ask him to do more, tell him why you can't always be the bigger person, and give yourself a deadline. If things don't change for the better, it may be easier to walk away and start again with someone who has a more positive impact on your life. Your boyfriend may be an amazing human being, but that should reflect on the way he behaves with you too.

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