He never says ‘I love you...’

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year old woman and my boyfriend is around two years older. He and I have been together for around a year, and we love each other a lot. The thing that worries me is how he never says it. I can sense it in the things he does, but I always have to tell him that I love him and wait for him to respond. Sometimes, when he says it to me, it's almost as if I am forcing him. He never initiates this message on his own, and never verbally explains why I am important in his life. Maybe I am making this tiny issue into a problem, but it makes me wonder if people who don't say that they love someone are not feeling the same things their partner is. Should I just ignore this doubt?
There may be all kinds of reasons for your boyfriend's inability to reciprocate, and the best thing to do, if you are judging him on this, is to go by his actions rather than his words or lack of them. Not everyone is comfortable with opening up verbally, and this shouldn't be held against them. Think about whether he is there when you need him, if he cares about you during good and bad times, and if you both enjoy being in each other's lives. You may be more capable of emotional declarations than he is, and there may come a time when he is as comfortable speaking about it as you are. Until that happens, I would suggest you evaluate your relationship using other parameters and consider giving him time if you believe you want him to be in your life.

There are times when my partner makes fun of me instead of soothing me, and I don't know if this is a red flag.
Tell your partner why this upsets you and see if that makes a difference. If it doesn't, this isn't someone who is being respectful and that is definitely a red flag.

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