He spends too much time at work

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Is it wrong for me to ask my boyfriend to spend less time at the office when I know he is being exploited? He is a sweet, helpful person and everyone takes advantage of this. His boss always asks him to take on more than he can because it makes his team look good, but this only affects his health and our relationship. He wants me to keep my personal life away from his professional life, but how can I when it has such an impact on us? On some days, he doesn't even reply to messages on WhatsApp. How do I get him to let me make changes that can only be good for his own future?
You have to try and find a balance that works for you both, and it may be a question of trial and error. He may be making poor choices at the office, but this is still a lesson he has to learn on his own, because we alone can set our priorities and re-evaluate them when necessary. He needs to understand that there are repercussions to his decisions that extend beyond the office, and until that happens, he may only treat your well-meaning advice as interference. Having said that, it is also necessary for you to say what you have to, even if it upset him, because you have a right to talk about how this bothers you. Keep lines of communication open until you can both arrive at a compromise that works.

What do I tell my mother about my boyfriend when I know she won't like anything about him?
If you know how she is going to react, maybe it makes more sense to focus on your own feelings towards your boyfriend and accept everything your mother says as part of who she is. She may have your best interests at heart, but you have a mind of your own too. You can also just introduce her to your boyfriend and allow her to draw her own inferences.

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