His addictions are scaring me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend is a great human being but has a serious problem with alcohol. He has also experimented with some drugs, and this bothers me because I know how easy it is for him to get into some kind of addiction. He has stopped for now because I have told him that I can't be with him if he doesn't, but I worry about our future together. If we marry and he decides to do this again, I won't be able to end our relationship that easily. How do I continue being with him with this kind of scenario always hanging over my head? I want things to work out between us and I want to be with him, but this is also a serious issue that can affect my life as well as our future together. I am tempted to speak to his family, but they may not understand where I'm coming from because they don't realise how badly things can go with him when it comes to substance abuse.
If you aren't comfortable about anything he does and have strong reasons to believe he may relapse, you need to speak to a professional who can give you both advice. Addiction is a disease that can be cured. Your future should be determined by whether you are prepared to do the work that is inevitable when you choose to be with an addict. There is the matter of love, of course, but the practicalities of what your future with this person looks like should be more important. Think carefully about what it will require you to do, and understand that you shouldn't be with anyone if you are afraid of how things will end. There are clearly some issues that need to be addressed before you ever get into a conversation about marriage. Your boyfriend should be privy to these fears, too, because he needs to understand how and why his behaviour is affecting both your lives.

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