Should I just forgive her?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My friend and soulmate lied about something serious that led to a complete breakdown of our friendship. She asked for forgiveness, but I couldn't find it in me to agree and we haven't spoken for almost a year. I miss her terribly and wish there was some way of changing what happened, but I can't think of anything to fix this because of how broken it is. She will speak to me if I reach out, because I know she misses me too, but that will still depend upon me finding a way of accepting what she did and find a way of moving on even though she hurt me very much. How do I find a way of forgiving her or, if that isn't possible, to try and forget the whole episode and start afresh? Is this a bad idea, to pretend that something didn't happen between us?
You can pretend something didn't happen, but it is a temporary solution because brushing something under a rug doesn't eliminate it. You may find yourself being forced to confront it the next time you and your friend have a disagreement, so the first step towards healing is to accept and acknowledge something traumatic. It makes sense to ask yourself why you need her in your life, why she did what she did, and why unconditional forgiveness alone can heal the rift between you two. This may take time, so you should accept that it may be a while before things get back to how they were. Take tiny steps and trust the process.

Is it okay to start dating someone a few months after a marriage has ended, or do I need to wait for at least a year?
You alone can answer that question. If you feel as if you're ready, and you have met someone you want to get to know better, there is no manual or rule about when you should go out. Trust your instinct and start with a few casual dates until you're sure.

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