How to

I have a 27 year-old friend and we have been very close since the past six years.

Hi Sandhya,
I have a 27 year-old friend and we have been very close since the past six years. I’ve known her well enough to understand that she is not a very confident person and finds it difficult to ‘be herself’ among people. We’ve had a couple of conversations wherein she admitted that she feels self-conscious even among people she knows well. I understand her dilemmas well, but I find myself getting irritated to see her having no opinions of her own when we meet friends. She gives in to anything - rather, everything - right from what to eat, what she felt about a recent event, just about everything. I almost don’t recognise her. It freaks me out. I wouldn’t be telling her anything new even if I did point this out in a candid conversation — she knows it, but seems unable to get a grip over things. I don’t want to hurt her or corner her. How should I take this ahead?

Thanks,u00a0Miss A

Dear Miss A,
“To be or not to be ‘tis the question” is what Shakespeare asked through the facade of Hamlet.u00a0Although I believe that an equally important question we need to ask ourselves and do ask ourselves multiple times through life with respect to people, situations and life, etc is “to let be or not to let be”.u00a0And from personal experience through the time I’ve spent on this planet I’ve come to realise that there are no right or wrong answers to questions, just answers that are applicable to us depending on our perspective of things.One thing that I do know for sure is that it is not possible for us is to change someone and who they are and their intrinsic nature.u00a0This is what it seems to be in your case. You’re trying to change someone’s grain and that isn’t really possible. You need to ask yourself this question and come to a conclusion and see whether you would be able to live with this friend if she didn’t end up changing and becoming who you want her to be. But then again, isn’t love and friendship about accepting our people for who they are. “To let be” is my answer. Now you need to figure out yours and deal with it’s
consequences.

Love, Sandhya

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