Caf ufffd Cinema, a supposed haven for struggling TV and film actors, dishes out a very forgettable meal

Cafe Cinema, a supposed haven for strugglingu00a0TV and film actors, dishes out a very forgettable meal Janaki

The minute we enter a lane off Oshiwara Link Road, leaving behind a lovely East Indian eatery, we hope the place we are going to is worth sacrificing a Bengali meal for. It's not. Cafe Cinema has a dubious message proudly written on a signboard outside: For Cinema Living People, For Cinema Loving People. Well, don't know about living, but we are cinema loving for sure, we reason, as we walk inside.

Ramesh Modi owner of Cafe Cinema. Pic/ Anuja Gupta
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The seating area ends before it begins. Roughly the size of a drawing room, the restaurant has barely four tables with four chairs each, stacked to the left. We try to tune out the blaring Hindi film playing on a flat screen as we take in the lighting and wall art. The ceiling is littered with dangling lamps, mostly plastic and a couple in coir; film posters cover the walls. There's a whole colour contact sheet of Bond film posters. One corner wall shelf holds a bunch of unused cameras, both still and film, while two film reels unwind pointlessly across the walls. It sounds interesting and kitsch, but it's just one haphazard mess.

On the right side is a raised section with a mattress and a couple of bolsters, and a midway played Ludo game. Private dining area, maybe, though that's too ambitious a term for this teeny-tiny joint.
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The menu has a selection of desi, Chinese and Thai food. To their credit, Caf ufffd Cinema offers very reasonable prices. But when we hit a few blanks with the starters we'd like to order (they're not available), the manager recommends the meal combos from a special lunch and dinner menu. We pick Meal Combo B (costs Rs 90). As we wait for the first course (Momos) to arrive, we discover a shelf of books on film, a bulletin board and a bunch of trade magazines. A box set of Akira Kurosawa's DVDs, a book on Hindi cinema, a self help book by Shiv Khera ufffd it's a confused collection.

The Momos aren't available that evening, so we are served a bowl of Crispy Potatoes, instead. Wickedly green and dressed with unappetising coriander leaves, the potatoes aren't as bad as they look. Oil drunkenness aside, they are crunchy and well-spiced. Next up is the Thai Steamed Rice, which looks anything but that. It's reddish brown, mixed with chunks of broccoli, garnished with coriander, and for some strange reason, huge slices of jalapenos lie in there. As we nibble on the rice, the noodles are brought out. Phad Thai Noodles look more like the hakka we ate at the college canteen. The veggie dish is the same, and spicy too.

But the ultimate punishment is the veggie in gravy. The cornflour content is so high, it forms a flaky layer on top. By now we're ready to ditch dessert and walk out. But the Gulab Jamun crumbles under my spoon, so I give it a shot. It's the best course of the meal. Truly homemade, the jamuns are perfectly round, sticky with sugar syrup, and melt-in-the-mouth. A sweet end to a terrible meal, except maybe for the starter.
As a concept, Caf ufffd Cinema would work if its owner, a television show director, spruced up the interiors and the food. When you are catering to guests who are struggling actors, all migrants, wouldn't you rather serve a homestyle daal chawal or rajma rather than attempt (and fail) at South East Asian cuisine?

AT Cafe Cinema, near Om Heera Panna Mall, Oshiwara Andheri (W).
Call: 32228773
Cafe Cinemas didn't know we were there. THE GUIDE reviews anonymously and pays for its meals.