I keep thinking about divorce...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 45-year-old woman and have been married for over a decad-and-a- half. My husband and I love each other a lot but I struggle with his expectations from me. I work all day as a homemaker and spend all my time making sure his wants are all met. He is the provider, and we have a great life, but it is exhausting to simply feel like a slave. He doesn't even wash the dishes simply because I am the one who has been doing it since we were married. I don't talk about it because he will mention how tired he is by working all week. I feel guilty even bringing it up, but there is so much resentment in me on some days that I think about getting a divorce. How can I fix this situation and improve my marriage?
What you feel is perfectly reasonable and shouldn't be ignored. If you feel under-appreciated, that can be remedied by explaining to your husband why he needs to be more vocal. However, if you dislike the role you play, that is a bigger problem because it calls for a significant amount of unlearning, and a resetting of expectations you have both created in this marriage. Homemakers often work harder than office workers, and your husband needs to understand that. A marriage is about equal rights, and both partners owe it to the other to pull their weight in whatever way they can. If taking care of the home is exhausting and you need help, it is his duty to step in because it is his home too. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about mentioning it. I also suggest you consider counselling as a couple, because the advice of a professional can allow you both to look at this marriage from the other person's perspective. It's obvious that there is a disconnect between how you see each other's roles, and the sooner these are aligned, the better it will be for your future.

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