My anxiety is ruining my life!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I wonder if my anxiety gets in the way of having a successful relationship with anyone. I have always been an anxious person, but I often assumed it would be easier to manage as I grew older. I am almost 30 now and it feels as if nothing I do will make it go away. This has created many problems with my dating life because my boyfriends are always worried about me having a panic attack or something. It usually means that they don't stick around for more than six months or so and I can't even blame them because I know how my inability to stay calm affects them and ruins things when I am with them. I worry that I may never be able to have a normal or long-term relationship with anyone because of this and sometimes feel as if I would be better off accepting that staying single may be the best solution for me.
You are aware of what the problem is but haven't mentioned anything about seeking help. Anxiety is a common thing that affects millions of people all the time, but it doesn't get in the way of their leading normal lives when they have help. Your boyfriends may not be able to manage your panic attacks, but you can speak to a therapist who can help you identify the underlying causes and come up with ways and means of managing these symptoms better. Giving up on dating completely doesn't address the cause of your anxiety and a companion who can empathise with you may be just what you need.

My mother-in-law has some issues with me, but I can't cut her out of my life. What do I do?
Speak to your partner about this and, if possible, have a candid conversation with your mother-in-law too. If neither can help, rethink the nature of your relationship and draw boundaries that may help you.

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