The sooner you tell him why this bothers you, the easier it will be for you both to do something about it.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
It sometimes feels as if my boyfriend is attracted to another woman. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can sense it in the way he talks about her or describes a conversation they have had. I never see that same interest or feeling when he is speaking to me, or if he is speaking about me to someone else. I don’t know if I am overthinking this because the woman in question is not single, and my boyfriend has been with me for two years. I still can’t let go of that thought no matter how much I try and tell myself that there is no basis for it. If I tell him this, it may lead to an argument or some unnecessary confrontation, or it may make things awkward when we meet that woman socially because we have common friends. What should I do? Should I just drop it and find a way of coping?
If you had a way of coping with it and moving on, it wouldn’t continue to bother you the way it clearly still does. If you don’t want to argue, and want to avoid unnecessary confrontation, not discussing it is only delaying the inevitable. It is also making things worse because you are dealing with this on your own and masking assumptions about your boyfriend without giving him a chance to respond to your belief about this other woman. Arguments are sometimes necessary because they build bridges and help partners understand each other better. The sooner you tell him why this bothers you, the easier it will be for you both to do something about it.
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I have been with my partner for five years now, but I still don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. How will I ever know?
You may never be certain, but it’s also important to acknowledge that being with someone for a long time and not wanting to be with them forever is also perfectly okay.
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