My hatred of oral sex is a problem

This is creating a lot of friction between us because I know how important it is to him

My boyfriend loves oral sex, and I don’t. He says I should do it because his wants are as important as my own, and because he does things for me that he doesn’t enjoy either. I agree with his argument because I know physical intimacy is about understanding each other’s needs and making compromises, but I dislike it so much that it has started to make me avoid having sex with him. This is creating a lot of friction between us because I know how important it is to him. How do I resolve this without harming our relationship?
If this is something you dislike as much as you say you do, you shouldn’t do it. It really is that simple because sex is supposed to be pleasurable for you both. He has a point about making compromises, but that doesn’t involve making the other person do something that puts them off sex completely. There are always ways of finding pleasure that don’t have to make a partner uncomfortable. There are millions of sex education videos online, and the two of you can always spend some time talking about options that may work. It boils down to mutual respect, and how important this relationship is to you both. Tell him why this is becoming harder for you and ask him to respect your decision as you both try and find new ways of exploring your sexuality.

I was married for six years until my husband left me for a former friend. I have erased them both from my life since then but find it hard to trust anyone since because it felt like a double betrayal. I had no idea there was an affair between them for so long, so this has made things very difficult for me to cope and I haven’t been able to date anyone since. How do I fix this?
You are struggling with grief as well as emotional trauma, both of which require time to heal. You need to speak to a counsellor.

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